Relationships are tricky. You have to communicate and floss. And what if you don’t have anything in common? Well, friends, have I got some life-changing advice for you! Does your man have a raiding guild? Is he obsessed with that raiding guild? Join that raiding guild! Get to know the in-and-outs of it, and take the knowledge you gain right back into the bedroom.
Here’s what I learned through my sexy MMO experience…
Make Yourself Indispensable
Is your guy always heading off to go do guy stuff without you? Does he think you can’t keep up with his “cool guy” hobbies? Choose a healing character in his guild and you’ll never feel left behind again. No matter how big your man’s broadsword or cannon is, he’s doomed if he doesn’t have a strong, nurturing healer by his side. Get good at saving his half-dead butt in the midst of battle and you’ll never again log on to find your man took off to go hunt goblins without you. This is also guaranteed to make your naked times better because your man will come to hold a deeper respect for you, increasing his likelihood of caring whether or not you have an orgasm (though it’s never guaranteed, of course).
You’ve surely heard of roleplaying and furries by now. It’s not weird—just consenting adults keeping it spicy. Now, let me introduce you to this hot new Tauren craze everybody in my Reddit thread is talking about. Taurening is like a cross between a furry and cosplay but with a nerdiness level of +5. Trust me, if your man is into WoW, he’ll be all over this sexy war cow.
Spiritual and ferocious, the Tauren is the perfect creature to bring more vigor into the bedroom. These are hardy beasts of burden, so you can go ahead and add 8 percent to your stamina for the next hour, too. And don’t even get me started on how awesome udder play is (if your partner is a fan of the outdated three-breasted alien sci-fi trope, he’s going to love naughty Tauren time).
Recharge—With Spell Work!
WoW fans are known for spending many long, consecutive hours at the keyboard plundering dungeons and destroying the auction house economy on several servers. Odds are your guy likes to get frisky at random hours of the night because of his obsessive gaming tendencies. That’s fine, and there’s no need to start out hot and heavy from the get-go. Cast Cannibalize for an instant energy boost for any human body parts “eaten” over the course of your lovemaking. Of course, Cannibalize only works on any given target once, so you’ll have to choose your moment wisely. But if you play your cards right, you’ll have your man spent so hard he’ll feel like you cast a serious Entangling Roots spell on him.