How to Pretend to Like Your Kids For Instagram
Once you reach a certain age, keeping a few tiny clones of yourself as pets is an essential part of your image, but, ugh, they are such a drag. By the time you’ve minimally fed, bathed, and clothed those disgusting creatures, you hardly have any time left for underwater pilates or your bullet journal ghostwriter. […]
5 Tough Video Game Characters That I Could Easily Beat In A Fist Fight
I’ve thought about this a lot.
Skincare Products That Look Like Baby Poo But They Work, So Deal With It?
It’s definitely unfortunate.
America Has Become A Banana Republic, In That The Khakis They Sell Don’t Fit Me
I usually don’t get political.
A Comprehensive Review Of All The Best Monocles—Finally!
What ho, assorted plutocrats, barons of industry, and proper gentlemen!
Exclusive: A Rebuttal from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
The Most Elegant Game Of Thrones Spoilers To Shave Into Your Pubic Hair
Thanks to another round of inevitable cyber hacks, we’ve all known how the series finale of Game of Thrones would go down for months now. And diehard fans have found the perfect way to honor the fact that winter is going — by shaving Game of Thrones spoilers into their pubes, of course! Perhaps as expected, […]
My Dad Is A Roman Reigns Fan And I Can’t Live With It Anymore
I’m a lifelong fan of professional wrestling, thanks to my dad. We’ve always enjoyed cheering for the best of the best. From Stone Cold flipping off Vince to The Rock electrifying millions, both my dad and I were hardcore fans. But as time moved on, things have changed. The current era of WWE has thrown […]
A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character
More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.
9 Facts You Didn’t Know About Getting Even With Dad
While It Didn’t Do Great In The States, The Film Was A Big Hit In The Republic Of Macedonia Where It Released Under The Title “Kill Ponytail Father”
Stew’s Corner: Hooking Up At This Wedding And Getting Away With It
The night gave way to passion. But now it’s morning, and you have to get the fuck out of here without everyone at this wedding knowing.
A Psychic Helped Me Unleash My Inner Power, But Keeps Spoiling “WWE RAW” For Me
Everything was so hazy at first… In the distance, I saw myself in a board meeting, and I was CEO, my eyes glowing with pride. Shadows parted way, and I suddenly saw myself on a date with a perfect 10, confident, stylish, leaning in for a first kiss. But the fog returned, and when it […]
I Tried The Blood Type Diet And Oh Boy Is Finding Blood To Drink Harder Than It Sounds
Look, I’ve tried just about every diet under the sun and I can tell you, most of them are false promises and retained water weight. All those carb-based diets leave you feeling sluggish. Atkins? Maybe if you want gout. Vegan? I’m not a rabbit, thanks. I had started to give up. I thought I would […]
2018’s hottest Trend: The Year 1623
Moustaches? Vegans? Those weird penny-farthing bicycles? Are these some of the images that pop into your mind when you think of a “hipster”? In the past you may have been correct, but I have spent some time in the field recently, and am here to report that America’s “coolest” are now throwing away their bowler […]
Reduce Your Carbon Footprint By Trading In Your Lamborghini For A Palanquin
Listen, we know how important it is to drive around in a car worth more than the Gross National Product of most developing nations, covered in enough coats of wax to weaponize the sun’s rays while burning through twelve gallons of premium gasoline on a single trip to Bristol Farms. Fame and status are our […]
Dear Goop, We Have Your Therapist. If You Want Him Back Give Us Your Best Summer Skincare Products
Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around […]
How To Make Peace With The Koalas Your Boss Hired To Cut Down On Overhead
Work is, well…work. Most of us would rather be doing almost anything else. But a paying job is also a necessary part of life for the vast majority of us humans, and the sooner we accept it, the more content we’ll become. Which is exactly why it’s critical that you make peace with the adorable […]
A Fiddler From Georgia: The Real Reason Arts Programs Need Saving…
For many years, the opportunity for our youth to have an education in music and performance arts has been under fire. Throughout the United States, parents and students alike have battled school administrators who have been all-too-happy to cut classes in the arts, especially those in music education, just to save a penny or two […]
7 New Books You HAVE to Read
The Five Best Household Accessories to Discreetly Hide Your Weed
With medical marijuana legalized in 29 states and recreational marijuana legalized in 9 states as of 2018, it’s only a matter of time before this article is laughably irrelevant, if not outright fucking stupid. But since weed is still illegal in a lot of places, you can’t just keep your weed out in the open […]
5 Candles To Light Up Your Home
The last few months I’ve been a bit of a candle fanatic. In the midst of turning 30, changing jobs, and trying to get my life in order, I’ve found the ritual of simply lighting a candle to be a soothing activity. Diving into candle culture, with all the different fragrances and chemical free waxes, […]
Are Your Small Dogs Plotting To Unionize?
Small dogs are a necessary part of the celebrity life style. If you aren’t constantly being followed by five to ten small dogs how will people know that you can afford to spend thousands of dollars keeping alive a cadre of useless inbred monsters? Of course your instinct is to dote on your adorable mini-frankensteins. […]
Make The Best List Of All Time Using This List Of Steps
Congratulations! You’ve decided you want to make a list. These fun organizational tools can be used in all aspects of your life. Once you start, you won’t be able to stop. If I listed all the lists you could make once you learn to make lists, it would be the longest list ever! Ready? Here […]
NEW! Macaulay Culkin’s Bunny Ears: A Lifestyle Brand For You
Thanks Mack! Hi there loyal Macaulay Culkin’s Bunny Ears readers (or Warren, as we like to call you)! It’s Matt Cohen. (Yes, that Matt Cohen, not the one from Boogey Man 2, that’s another Matt Cohen.) And yes, I am the co-host of one of the fastest-growing podcasts in the world and yes, the […]
The Definitive List Of Best Lists In All Of Listory
Ask any math or morphological expert and they’ll tell you that the list is by far the strongest structure in nature. A bee’s honeycomb consists of an unordered list of hexagons. Trees are assigned a list of leaves that annually drop off to be subsequently re-appended. And of course, the biological superiority of a creature […]
Give Lisa Rinna a Star on the Walk of Fame
“Were people doing coke in your bathroom?” With seven words Lisa Rinna changed the face of television forever. But in spite of her landmark contributions to the medium, you will be shocked (SHOCKED!) to learn that Lisa Rinna—artist, Hollywood legend, hustler, philanthropist, autumnal duster saleswoman, icon, American treasure—doesn’t have a star on the Hollywood Walk […]
Help! I’m Dating A Wrestling Monster, And He Cries Hardest When He Wins!
He says he has trouble controlling his happiness.
How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]
What I Learned Locking Myself Into A KFC Overnight In Protest
We must hold KFC accountable for their crimes against nature and their unlawful abuse against innocent chickens. As part protest part art demonstration, I decided to lock myself inside of a vacant KFC overnight and do some savvy sleuthing to get to the bottom of this Kentucky fried nightmare. 4. “11 Herbs and Spices” is […]
Ball Wrinkles Are Out! Get Super Smooth Balls With These Testicle Wrinkle Treatments
Are your testicles smooth, fashionable add-ons or veritable Truck Nutz®? Balls are your body’s ultimate accessory, and you should care for them as such. Wrinkly testicles are SO OUT! You want your testicles to be shiny, spherical orbs for you and your partner(s) to enjoy. Here are some Bunny Ears–approved treatments that will get your […]
I Will Passionately Defend My Middle School Whispstache
Hello, concerned adults and classmates! I’m a man now. I’m sorry you feel so threatened by this that you need to pretend your problem is with my beautiful lip fringe. Being a man means I can wear the same underwear for two weeks, shout horrible slurs playing PUBG, and start rumors about Anya using special-order jumbo […]
How To Throw An Engagement Party So Intimate Even Your Dad Will Get Pregnant
Most anyone who’s been married can tell you that your wedding day will be special, meaningful — and unfortunately — often impersonal. The bride and groom spend so much time graciously saying hello to each and every guest that, even though you talk to everyone, it feels like you connect with almost no one. Which […]