5 Candles To Light Up Your Home

March 31, 2018 by
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The last few months I’ve been a bit of a candle fanatic. In the midst of turning 30, changing jobs, and trying to get my life in order, I’ve found the ritual of simply lighting a candle to be a soothing activity. Diving into candle culture, with all the different fragrances and chemical free waxes, has been quite the adventure. The following are reviews of five candles I’ve tried this week.

Earth Meets Water Refreshed Jar Candle

candle reviews
COST: $12.50

Earth Meets Water hand pours their 100% natural, soy candles into a decorative jar, which can be sealed and popped into your purse. Bring it with you! Brighten up a room anywhere. The jar is wrapped in a piece of twine with an adorable shell charm on it.

This candle is delicious, bright, and — as promised on the packaging — refreshing. The Refreshed candle is a mix of vanilla and lemongrass essence. It livened up my living room with a subtle sweetness. The vanilla is almost reminiscent of a sugar cookie, but it’s cut by the lemongrass, keeping that sugar smell from becoming overwhelming. I can’t wait to try other Earth Meets Water candles, as it’s been a delight having this one burning in my home.

RATING: 5/5

Himalayan Trading Post Sugared Lemon Candle
candle reviewsCOST: $20

My budget for this article was about $15, so I’d burned through it after candle one. Instead of seeing this as a defeat, I headed out to get creative. One of my favorite spots to browse candles are the most gentrified neighborhoods of San Francisco. Here you can find a million pointless boutiques staffed by well-off hipsters, shelves stocked with notebooks adorned with inspirational quotes like “Some days you have to create your own sunshine,” and expensive handmade candles.

After smelling every candle on the shelf, I settled on this Himalayan Sugared Lemon as my favorite. Sugared Lemon is a rich, opulent smelling candle, notes of trust funds and saccharine citrus. I decided it was time to make my own sunshine and pulled out the matchbox in my pocket. Sadly, I was unable to get a photo of it burning, or sit with it long enough to experience the atmosphere, because as soon as I lit this candle a salesperson started shrieking at me and shouted for a police officer who was, fortunately, standing right outside.

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RATING: 4/5

Undelivered Love Letter
candle reviewsCOST: about $1.55, and a cup of tears

I was feeling a tad lonesome after stumbling home from my run-in with the cops, which thankfully ended with me being told to “please shut up about candles and leave immediately.” Trying to figure out where I would get my next candle in this stupid, empty apartment, I was struck by an idea. You can find candles everywhere, as long as there’s some aspect of your life going up in flames!

You know when you love someone so much, you start having conversations with them even when they aren’t there? You know when you gather up all those thoughts and put them down on paper and promise this is the time you’ll finally tell him? And then you hold that paper in your hand and offer it to him and he looks at you in disgust? My next candle is that.

Burning this beautifully handmade candle (which I wrote in ink and kissed wearing fucking red lipstick for you, Jason) fills my apartment with the scent of misery, and reeks of unrequited love and spinstersdom. When it’s burnt down to ash, I feel nothing. I am empty. I am a void. I need more candles.

RATING: 1/5

College Degree
candle reviewsCOST: $50,000 and my youth

Follow your dreams, they told me when I was thirteen. What they didn’t tell me is I was an idiot for assuming a criminal science degree would be just like the show CSI, I’d be switching majors endlessly, and end up a blogger with thousands of dollars of debt and a piece of cardstock that seemed worthless till now. My college degree finally has value: it’s a pretty decent candle!

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This candle has the lingering scent of my parents’ respect for me burning to a crisp. The atmosphere developing in the room is reminiscent of condescending nods from my friends and family, and fills me with nostalgia for red solo cups. The best candles can transport you to another time and place, and metaphorically torching 5 years of my life is the most I could ask for from this one!

RATING: 4/5

My Childhood Home
candle reviewsCOST: $235,000, according to a 2012 real estate listing

It took me three hours of rage driving at 90 mph in the middle of the night to get back to the neighborhood in which I grew up. My parents don’t live here anymore, they sold this unlit candle years ago, but it looks exactly as I remember it plus a fresh coat of paint. I’m not sure if the new owners are home, nor do I care. I lit this candle with a can of lighter fluid poured over the back of the house and an entire box of matches.

Finally, a righteous bonfire of a candle, that fills the night air with the scent of shitty childhood memories being erased, taking my dreams back in a fireball of rebellion, and anarchy. The all natural wax is made of arson, and fuck you dad!

It’s hard for me to keep typing this out on my phone as I’m running through backyards, but I’ve gotta say, my heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my throat and I can still feel the heat, and hear the sirens! I give this candle a million out of five! Would light again!

RATING: 1,000,000/5


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3 Comments

  1. This post made my day complete!!! LMAO! 🔥 burn baby burn🔥 the only thing I’d add to MY list is the boyfriend that one time, threw me into the shark tank at Ripley’s…..at feeding time.

  2. What’s a fire? And why does it… What’s the word… Burn?? If the Little Mermaid were alive in modern times, I would recommend she read this before she sets fire to her regrettable future life choices.

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