Has ‘Mario Kart’ Contributed To Climate Change?
Mario has brought the world endless joy. From his parties to his tennis tournaments, he’s provided countless people with a cheerful, hard-earned break from the daily grind. So it truly does break our hearts to ask this tragic but important question: How much has Mario Kart contributed to climate change and the climate crisis that we face today?
We love Mario’s Kart races as much as anyone, and when they debuted back in 1992 the world just didn’t understand climate change the way we do today. But now that we all appreciate the urgency of the situation, it feels willfully ignorant to continue to summon lightning storms from the sky on a whim, farm and discard bananas just to weaponize their peels, and slaughter scores of Koopas for access to their shells. Worst of all, massive race tracks are being carved through once-pristine jungles, beaches, and lava fields, endangering countless local Blooper, Cataquack, and Blarg populations at a time when the natural homes of these majestic creatures are under a greater threat than ever before.
Is Yet Another Whimsical Race Course Worth Driving Wigglers To The Brink Of Extinction?
Perhaps in the ‘90s it felt like there was nothing wrong with using go-karts to tear up the bucolic Moo Moo Meadows, but to continue to race through the sensitive ecosystem that is the Dolphin Shoals, the culturally irreplaceable Thwomp Ruins, and the tops of the clouds themselves is callous and cruel. It’s one thing to have not known any better, but it’s quite another to continue to belch carbon emissions into the atmosphere to construct and operate a racetrack that floats in the sky.
And we can’t even begin to describe the wastefulness that is Mario’s space program. He insisted on building not one, but eight lengthy outer-space tracks when those resources could have been put towards green energy projects. Instead, the Donut Plains are mined into oblivion to provide the dirty energy that fuels Mario’s ruinous machines, all in the name of “entertainment.” Well, there’s nothing entertaining about watching terrified humans and Goombas wonder if they have a future.
Basically, not only are we certain that Mario Kart has contributed to climate change, but Mario is far more culpable for the current climate catastrophe than he’s willing to admit. Instead of racing into our hearts, he now races towards our mutual annihilation—and he needs to take responsibility. Thusly, we will not watch or participate in any further Mario Kart events until Mario commits to making his races sustainable and environmentally-friendly. And the same holds true for Mario’s golf tournaments, as the water used to maintain the greens in the lava-riddled Bowser Badlands alone could radically alter the futures of several developing nations.