Skincare Products That Look Like Baby Poo But They Work, So Deal With It?
They say that pain is beauty, and we as a culture are certainly no stranger to putting our discomfort aside in the pursuit of looking good. This includes rubbing baby poo all over our faces. Not real baby poo, of course (unless you recommend that, because honestly, I’m ready for it). It just so happens that the ingredients that make up a great skincare routine also often look like a diaper explosion, so I guess we all just have to deal with that. And in the spirit of great skin, here are the best skincare products that unfortunately look like baby poo.
1. St. Ives Apricot Scrub
You’ve probably been using this since you were a teenager, and there’s a reason: Nothing exfoliates better than those itty, bitty grounds of apricot pit. They also happen to give the scrub the gritty texture of the poop of a baby who’s just transitioned to baby food, so that’s a bummer. Did they have to make it that color brown? There must be some way they could have made it white, right? At least it smells like apricots.
2. Borghese Fango Active Mud For Face & Body
Ahhh, the formula poops. For those of you who actually care about your children and breastfed them, you might be surprised to know that the poop of a formula-fed baby, like everything else about them, is different from a breastfed baby. Amazingly, this mud mask—thick, almost solid, with a distinctly green tinge—mimics those poops with remarkable accuracy. It’s a game-changer for those prone to oily, dull skin, though, so just try really hard not to think about it.
3. Lush Brazened Honey Fresh Face Mask
Now this is some breast milk poop. Dense, soft but not loose, yellow—all the properties are there. Except it’s not breast milk poop. It’s the best face mask from the best beauty brand in the game. Pro tip: Try to breathe through your mouth. The scent of fennel will not help when you’re trying not to think about pumping.
4. Shea Moisture African Black Soap Body Wash
I’m gonna level with you: It will be impossible not to get flashbacks to those first watery, black, meconium poops when you squeeze this miracle body wash onto your loofah. It’s going to happen, and you’re just going to have to accept it. Because nothing clears, calms, and hydrates skin like this sticky liquid that you’ll swear came straight from a delivery room diaper pail. Do you want butt zits? Do you want butt zits? No, mama, you do not. So just take a deep breath, look away, and get to scrubbing. I’m sorry. If I could change it, I would.