How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon be full of lemons).
The reasons WHY stuffing lemons up your butt is so beneficial are patently obvious. We’re not going to waste your time going over them. Instead, we’re addressing the age-old question: How many lemons is too many when it comes to stuffing your butt hole full of lemons? There are so many different determinants involved when it comes to optimal lemon packing, but here are just a few general factors to consider:
- Are these little Meyer lemons or big bulky lemons? You can’t just go by the amount of lemons that fit in your butt hole last time. If you used large lemons during your last lemon stuffing, but now you’re using those little juice lemons, you may be able to squeeze one more up there than you’re used to. We believe in you!
- Lemon stuffing is not a “one size fits all” situation. Furthermore, don’t listen to anyone who tells you that butt size or butt weight are appropriate ways to estimate the amount of lemons you can safely shove up your butt. Remember, butt size and butt hole size are two very different things. Don’t judge a butt by its cover.
- Are you planning to be in a situation that will cause involuntary clenching, like an office performance review or a middle school production of Spring Awakening? If so, use fewer lemons than you’re used to. You don’t want to juice all over your seat. At least not until you’re good and ready.
- Have you lubed your lemons? Please lube your lemons. We do not want more hate mail from ER doctors because some careless reader did not lube their lemons.
- Are you wearing your lemon diaper?
- Have you already prepped the juicer and pulley system? Without a proper lemon juicer and pulley system, you might as well be stuffing limes up your butt hole! Useless!
- How long is your lemon string? Don’t thread so many lemons they take up the whole string—you’ll need some of that string exposed to pull the lemons out later. Also, please remember to tie a knot at the end of your lemon string. Again, we do not want any more mail from emergency rooms.
Remember, lemon stuffing is not a competition! What’s important is that you’re reaping the benefits of stuffing lemons up your butt hole, not whether you can fit more lemons up your butt than your friends, family, and colleagues.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…