What To Do With All That Clay You’ve Failed to Digest
By now, you’ve probably heard about Shailene Woodley’s advice to eat clay to rid your body of heavy metals and negative isotopes. No one knows what those are, but if you want to be pretty and rich like Shailene, you better have started adding a heaping side of earthenware to every meal. But Shailene never […]
The Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich Recipe
When I was a boy, I lived on a farm. Farm life was tough, but you quickly learned the ways of the world. I remember my grandfather took me to one of the pens, I must have been about 5 or 6, and he showed me one of the sick mares. He explained how he […]
You Have To Try This Amazing Mac and Cheese Recipe
I don’t remember why I walked into the Barnes and Noble that day. Maybe it was because it was raining and I didn’t have an umbrella. I never have an umbrella when I need one; You always thought that was a charming idiosyncrasy, but I think it belies a naivety – an unpreparedness for the […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Strip Club Dining
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
Recipes For Your Ecstasy-Fueled PTA Potluck
Your annual Parent-Teacher Association potluck meetings are usually fraught with tension as parents and school faculty tussle to craft a wholesome learning environment while scarfing down microwaved potato skins. But with a little innocent subterfuge, a few crowd-pleasing recipes, and a bag full of ecstasy pills shaped like Spider-Man’s head, you can turn your stuffy […]
“Birding” Brings Avian Alimentary Process to Hip New Heights
You’d barely notice Mama Bird’s Cafe if you didn’t already know what to look for. Tucked in the back corner of a parking lot in Echo Park, next to a launderette, a cigarette stand, and something called “Dr. Funsicle’s Mystery Shop of Edu-tainment,” is a small room containing four elegantly dressed tables. There’s a sign […]
Confuse And Terrify Your Children Into Eating Healthy
Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.
How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]
Way Too Formal Breakfasts For After Casual Sex
I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to […]
Recipe: The 27 Flavors I Added to This Muffin Mix Until I Could Feel Something
I used to be like you. When I was a child, I could be satisfied with a simple vanilla cupcake. Oh, how wistful I am for those days of carefree innocence. As I grew older, my palate matured, and I craved the apple cinnamon crumble. I longed for the orange chocolate creme brulee. I was […]
From The Bunny Ears Test Kitchen: Pickled CBD Gluten-Free Cast-Iron Coconut Butter Crystal “Salmon” Taco Bowl With Salted Maca, Herbed Ghee, And Panamanian Venomous Toad
It’s summer, and at Bunny Ears, that means exactly two things: taco bowls and experimenting with dangerously powerful exotic hallucinogens from around the globe. Why not mix the two? After all, psychoactive substances have proven spiritual and psychological benefits, and taco bowls are delicious. To ensure a taco bowl of maximum mind-opening, exotic flavor, we’ll […]
How To Kimchi That Body In Your Backyard
Love kimchi? Need to dispose of a body? Well you’re in luck!
These Prenatal Potatoes Pause Your Postpartum Depression
Both prenatal and postnatal self-care are vital when it comes to motherhood. The right foods, supplements, and healthful habits can make all the difference when your little one arrives, and this is perhaps especially true when it comes to avoiding postpartum depression. While there’s no one way to 100% guarantee that postpartum depression won’t happen […]
The Importance Of Time-Travel-Restricted Eating
Look, we love food as much as the next guy. But there has to be limits. That’s why time travel restricted meals are so important.
Ramen Garnishes That Say “Adventurous but Late with Rent”
Maybe getting fired was fortunate and being a foodie is my thing now!
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
5 Reasons Why I Ate This Entire Cake by Myself
Cake is symbolic of special occasions, and why shouldn’t every moment of my life be a special occasion?
My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination
Literal (tainted) love.
Alexander The Grape Is Back From The Dead, Unlike Your Grandma
And so is Mr. Melon, Johnny Appletreats, and the Cherry Clan!
Color Of The Month: Green Ketchup
Some call it an abomination. We call it the official color of November 2019!
Which Classic ’80s Board Game Is Responsible For Your Anxiety Disorder?
Do you panic during surgery? Do you constantly fear getting lost in the mall?
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign
The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
We Hired An Expert To Smell Our Farts
We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.
Our Recipe For Trapped Spider Mug Cake
Everyone loves mug cake! It’s fast, easy, and impossible to see what’s inside the mug once you’ve begun making it. Here’s how we happened upon this recipe.
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To New Orleans
New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?
Easy Diet Changes To Make You Healthier, Happier, and Afraid To Eat
It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.
Thanksgiving Recipes The Whole Family Better Fucking Agree On
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
Meditative Things White People Can Do While Black People Attempt To Explain White Privilege
There are many ways to handle being called out by black people, so here are our favorites!
Can You Screw Up Pizza? We’re Gonna Try!
You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie
We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We […]
Culinary Experiments That Are Also Depressing Thought Experiments
You know what they say: Candy is dandy, but the call of the void will send you spiraling down into an existential crisis. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will be times in your life when you’ll question the meaning of everything and, indeed, the very nature of the universe. So […]
Simple Juice Cleanses To Help You Trim Down On Excess Friends
Juice cleanses are a quick and effective method to trim down on dead weight and stagnant energy. Why not give yourself a break from all that oppressive and exhausting chewing you’ve been doing and treat yourself to a juice cleanse that will help you restart your system and find out who your true friends are […]