Are You Eating Enough Nostalgic Food?
Food trends may come and go, but the foods you ate as a child ironically never go out of style. Most importantly, our bodies recognize the spiritual nutrients of nostalgic foods and manifest repair on a cellular level, returning us to our younger, healthier selves. Scientific facts like these help experts (like me!) recommend a balanced diet, so make sure you get your daily dose of these oldies-but-goodies.
Did you know that eating Koala Yummies at least three times a week can help you make better dietary decisions overall? Koala Yummies are a lower calorie yet indulgent snack, so they’ll fill you up and satiate you in a safe way. They also bring back memories of kindergarten, where you met that nice girl you still Facebook stalk to this day. Kindergarten was really hard, but it was also fun and a time of immense learning and growth. These warm memories are the key to making better food decisions for the rest of your week because you’re still giving yourself that classic treat. It will make it much easier for you to pick up that apple instead of the cheeseburger. It will also make it much easier to finally approach that nice girl and live out your destiny the way it was always intended.
Like Koala Yummies, Dunkaroos came out during a time when the whole world was fascinated with that strange and wonderful land south of the equator known as Australia. Every morning wasn’t met with the psychologically traumatic minefield of the news and oversharing from your three Facebook friends, so we could all focus on other interests, like travel, wildlife in Australia, and good old-fashioned cookie dunking. A Dunkaroo-rich diet promotes healthy organ function, hand-eye coordination, and reconnecting with some of your old interests, like aliens, asteroids, and planning Parent Trap–like scenarios to get our parents back together again.
We all loved the sweet citrus taste of Hi-C’s Ecto Cooler when it came onto the scene in 1989, and the beautiful, bright green color was an added bonus! Not only is Ecto Cooler rich in vitamin C, it also connects us to our childhood selves, who loved the movie Ghostbusters and hadn’t yet suffered the crippling emotional wounds that drove us to working for our stepdads.
Drinking Ecto Cooler allows us to shed some of that emotional baggage, which can relieve inflammation (the cause of all disease) and give us the courage to walk right up to our step dads and say “I don’t even care about plumbing! I’m getting a new job.”
Yes, Crystal Pepsi contains high fructose corn syrup, which is deadly. However, it also is a scientific anomaly that negates all dangerous health affects with its miraculous existence. The flavor of Pepsi contains caramel, which is intrinsically brown. How can they bring that incredible brown Pepsi flavor to a clear beverage? It’s truly one of the most amazing accomplishments food science has birthed.
This sense of “awe” will recalibrate your ugly, currently unhealthy cells. It will also bring you back to that night in your parents’ red Chevy, the night you pretended to be sleeping but were really listening to your parents argue. Sure, you couldn’t memorize even one state capital, but why send you to a different school? I loved that school and didn’t want to go to Lincoln Elementary! Maybe if I would have just spoken up, they would still be together and I wouldn’t have flunked middle school. And Rick is not my dad! He shouldn’t have a say in where I go to school or who my friends are. I hate Rick, and I’ll erase his existence in the future with Crystal Pepsi. You’ll see! You’ll all see!