Fetish Of The Month: Constant, Laborious Dedication To Getting Me Off
It takes both time and commitment to get me anywhere even close to an orgasm.
Yes, You Can Be Intimate With Someone With Scissor Hands. Here’s How
This is something we’ve thought about. A lot.
It’s Time To Teach Your Children The True Meaning Of No Nut November
It’s about family, faith, and unrelenting blue balls.
Ladies, It’s Time To Stop Comparing Every Man To The Goblin King
It will only lead to disappointment.
Make Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend Easier By Thinking Of It Like A Boss Fight
Put in the code for infinite empathy.
So You Called Mr. Feeny’s Name During Sex. Now What?
Your worst nightmare has come true. You called Mr. Feeny’s name during sex. You’ve always appreciated a distinguished gentlemen, and, in the throes of passion, you’ve let out a “Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-ny!” louder and more impassioned than Eric Mathews himself could ever muster. Don’t worry—you’re not the first person this has happened to, and there are some […]
Help! I’m Dating A Wrestling Monster, And He Cries Hardest When He Wins!
He says he has trouble controlling his happiness.
My Near Death Experience Taught Me I Love Work More Than My Family
I realized I was doing everything exactly right.
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
Where Are They Now? The Relationships Of ‘Clueless’
Bunny Ears got to sit down with the relationships of Clueless to see how they’re doing now.
We Apologize for Endorsing Sex with Men
Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
Dating Tips For Ensuring They Don’t Find Your Box Of Fake Security Badges
The last thing an on-the-market millennial needs is for that new special someone to stumble upon your embarrassing collection of scattered fake security badges and hospital IDs. Cringe!
My Neighbors Are Oppressing Me Over My Giant Inflatable Yanni
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
Valentine’s Day Trips To Make You Realize You Never Loved Each Other
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
Holiday Dating Hack: Just Fuck Your Cousins?
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
Let Go Of Toxic Relationships: Ignore The Homeless Kittens In Your Shed
When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?
Forgiveness: My Husband Won’t Let me Throw A Birthday Party For My Dog
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
Thanksgiving Recipes The Whole Family Better Fucking Agree On
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
Reminder: Don’t Fuck Up This Turkey, Because You Can Really Use A Win Right Now
This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.
My Ideal Mate Is Still A Plural Marriage With Most Of The New Kids On The Block
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
Using Small Amounts Of Products My Boyfriends Wife Has In Her Bathroom Improved My Skin
She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!
7 Tips That Will Save Your Marriage From Frankenstein Monsters
7 steps to protect your marriage from the grips of Frankenstein Monsters.
Slut Shaming Is Wrong Unless I Am About to Finish
No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.
Please Stop Trying To Cleanse My House of Evil Spirits, They Do The Dishes
It happens every time: I invite a friend over for brunch, a tarot reading, or an intravenous drug party, and they soon notice that my house is clearly haunted. It’s admittedly hard to miss— objects fly around seemingly of their their volition, and there’s that faint, creepy whispering from deep within the walls. I try to […]