Tag Archives: relationships

It’s about family, faith, and unrelenting blue balls.

It will only lead to disappointment.

Finally—a definitive answer.

Things are so awkward now.

It’s so chill, brah.

Put in the code for infinite empathy.

Is it jealousy? It’s probably jealousy.

Is it Goliath? Or maybe Bronx?

Want to make things weird?

‘I’m not good at hands.’

Wow.

We’ve all been there.

What goes where?!

Just breathe. Then power slam.

I realized I was doing everything exactly right.

This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.

It’s easy!

Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.

Show your tree how much you love it…physically.

Don’t be a dick about it

What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?

Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.

Get that guy fired—your way.

Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?

When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?

I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.

How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.

I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.

This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.

Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.

She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!

7 steps to protect your marriage from the grips of Frankenstein Monsters.

No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.

It happens every time: I invite a friend over for brunch, a tarot reading, or an intravenous drug party, and they soon notice that my house is clearly haunted. It’s admittedly hard to miss— objects fly around seemingly of their their volition, and there’s that faint, creepy whispering from deep within the walls. I try to […]

Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]