I Bought A Sex Robot. Why Don’t You Wanna Hang Out Anymore?

Yo, bud! It’s me, your best friend since childhood. I’m just checkin’ in to see if you’re free this weekend. It’s been a couple of months since we chilled. It’s almost like right when I bought that sex robot and started constantly talking about it, you seemed to kinda check out like it was weird or somethin’. But you’re my best friend! My owning, and incessantly discussing, a sex robot can’t possibly come between us. Right, pal?

What’s up? Is it jealousy? You don’t have to be jealous! You can totally have sex with my sex robot! In any position you want. I can watch, or not watch, whatever! I just love havin’ sex with my sex robot, and I want my bestie to get that same pleasure. That’s not off-putting, right? Saying the word “pleasure?” Shouldn’t be. It’s 2019. It’s very modern to have a sex robot, and to say “pleeeeasure,” and everyone should be comfortable with it.

Maybe you have some questions. I get that. For example, is it weird to bang a sex robot your BFF has also banged? Can the sex robot consent? Is it clean? Fret not, dear friend. The answers are: No, yes, and yes-if. No, it’s not weird (if you choose not to make it weird). Yes, the sex robot can consent (she’s full, cutting-edge A.I.). And yes, it’s clean, if you clean it. Which I do! Frequently! Ya gotta soap out every nook and cranny of this baby, because you don’t want it getting mold.

Hmm. Reading all this back now, maybe it is a little weird. Maybe having a sex robot, and getting it on constantly, and talking about it to everyone is pretty creepy even in this enlightened age. Like, maybe it’s discomforting to have sex with a computer that has a possible mold situation, because it makes you realize just how much we’ve mechanized sex, the most primal and ideally emotionally-connective biological act?

Nah.

You’re the weird one, dawg. Text me when you grow up and wanna smush a sexy sex robot, like the rest of us!

Image: Pexels, Amazon