Make Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend Easier By Thinking Of It Like A Boss Fight

September 21, 2019 by , featured in Video Games
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When a relationship has run its course, ending things can seem impossible. This is someone you’ve spent time loving, caring for, and oftentimes planning a future with. But one way to make breaking up with your girlfriend easier? Thinking about the confrontation like it’s a boss battle in a video game. Here’s how:

Get Ready Before You Step into the Arena

You want to go into the boss battle well-prepared. In video games, that means heading to a save point and filling up on health potions. In real life, it means heading over to your boys’ house and filling up on tiny airplane bottles of gin.

Decide on Your Strategy and Stick to It

Just like there are a lot of ways to beat a boss, there are a lot of ways to break up with your girlfriend. For instance, you could just hack and slash with your strongest attack (tell her it’s not that you don’t want to be with her, you just don’t want to be with anyone right now), go in strategically (have a conversation that is both honest but also considerate of her feelings), or give up on the boss and trade the game in at GameStop (ghost her).

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Use the Item You Got in That Dungeon

Think about every Zelda game you’ve ever played—whatever major item you find in the Water Temple is what you’ll use to beat the Water Temple boss. Apply that same logic here—what did you find in this relationship? A stronger sense of self? The ability to actively listen? The Megaton Hammer? That’s how you’ll win.

Find the Obvious Weak Point

Every boss has a glowing red spot that’s vulnerable to attack, and your girlfriend is no different. It’s probably her relationship with her dad, so just spam, “I see why he walked out on you” until the relationship dies.

Prepare for Phase Two

That said, once your girlfriend lets out a roar and appears defeated, you have to stay on your guard. Her health bar will suddenly fill back up and phase two will begin when she asks you to just tell her what she did wrong.

At this point, the only way to finally end your relationship is to jump over your girlfriend and touch the axe, causing the bridge to collapse and your girlfriend to fall in lava.

Image: Flickr


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