Using Small Amounts Of Products My Boyfriends Wife Has In Her Bathroom Improved My Skin
When I started dating Robert, my world was turned upside down. I had finally found the man that completed me. Handsome, smooth, and an expert in French wine. It was no wonder he was totally married.
At first, I felt ashamed when Robert and I started sleeping together in their house during the day, but after I wandered into Linda’s private bathroom, I learned that her husband wasn’t the only thing worth stealing from her. Not only was she an expert in men, she was an expert in skin care. So many serums, moisturizers, and exfoliating scrubs. I needed them all. But I needed to be careful. Soon, I was as hooked on her regimen as I was on her man.
It surprisingly easy to justify it to myself. Even though Robert refused to leave Linda, anyone could see that she was an awful wife. She worked all the time. She refused to give Robert children because her life was “already too hectic” between writing the books that supported their lifestyle while he got his vaping business off the ground and taking care of her sick mother. She refused even to be intimate with him anymore. Something about persistent pelvic pain. She was all take, take, take, so I reasoned that it was high time someone started taking from her.
So I did what any woman would do. I continued carefully screwing her husband and carefully unscrewing the various jars of cleansers and moisturizers so I could steal her beauty secrets a few pea-sized blobs at a time. Robert and I changed our meet-up times weekly to keep her off the scent, and I rotated serums and sprays to keep it on me.
My relationship with Robert isn’t ideal. I maintain my own boyfriend for those lonely nights I couldn’t be with Robert, but it was never enough. I craved our intimacy and the arousing smell of the rose water tonic I used to deal with red spots.
I don’t want my relationship with Robert to end, so I do my best to be discreet. It’s not like I couldn’t get another married man to be my boyfriend, but who knows what his wife’s medicine cabinet would look like? What if it’s a drugstore horror? It’s much safer to stick with Robert, because I can’t give up access to a bathroom like Linda’s. She even uses Cover FX foundation. It’s makeup and skincare combined! You go, Linda. I almost felt bad about doing your husband when I discovered how smart you were, but I’ll never feel bad about using your concealer. Or your last K-Pod.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…