Try Our New Time Stone, Because Death Comes For Us All
You’ve probably heard about the latest fad in personal geology—the Moment Pebble. (AKA, a rock you carry with you to remind you to stay in the moment, with blinking lights that guide you through breathing exercises to better facilitate your presentness.) It sounds like a good idea, right?
We thought so, too.
But we thought it could be even better. Because we try to stay on the cutting edge of innovation—and also don’t know how to put lights in rocks—we’re offering the all-new Time Stone, a Bunny Ears exclusive, to remind you that death comes for us all.
A rock that reminds you to stay present is all well and good. But what better motivation to live life to the fullest than the reminder that all of this is but a blink in the landscape of time, and it can end just as quickly? Sure, our Time Stone might not have any fancy electronic features. In fact, it’s literally just a rock that we plucked out of Macaulay Culkin’s poorly maintained backyard. But every time you look at it, you’ll remember that your end is on its way—and isn’t that worth the $499 price tag? Look, we painted a little grim reaper on it. Look how cute he is! He’s coming for you.
One day, you’re binging Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Netflix for the 12th time and snacking on GMO-free chicken wings. As you look down to wipe your hands on your pants so you can take a drink of fruit-inspired seltzer (because you have more clothes than cups), you see it there on the corner of the nightstand. Your Time Stone. You remember that your family has a history of diabetes. Of course, you don’t eat sugar, but who knows what other maladies are lurking in your genes. Finally finishing your novel sounds pretty good now, doesn’t it?
Don’t let time, and this offer, pass you by. For a limited time, we’re offering our exclusive Time Stone for only 500 times what it’s worth. Because leaving this earthly plane without regrets is priceless. Order yours today, and maybe pick up a few shirts while you’re at it. After all, you might not have the chance tomorrow.
Images: Pexels/Bunny Ears