Tour Guide: Places Men Have Dumped Me In This Neighborhood
…Lindbergh baby missing…
…Quiz: Do You Have A Savior Complex Or Are You Just Jesus?…
…RIP KOKO…
…Roast Beef: Lunch Meat or Middle Toe? Little Piggies Respond…
…10 Out Of 10 Car Salesmen Agree, You Need A New Car…
…Psychic Predicts World Already Over…
…Waldo still missing…
…Cancer and Death to marry… cigarettes devastated…
…God found dead in space…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Forever 21 Turns 34 this year…
… Red and Yellow Is The New Black…
…Colonel Sanders Found to Have Never Served in the Military…
…Supreme Court Rules: We Rule! …
Cancer linked to death!
…Study finds that 9 out of 10 studies are for nerds…
…Secret Ingredient To Sushi Discovered: FISH…
…Scientists find that Vaping is dope AF…
…Quiz: Does He Know You’re Illiterate? …
…Entertainment personality ahead in the polls…
…San Francisco and Oakland make up; will become one city…
…BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers shocked to learn Staten Island isn’t part of New Jersey…
…Murder Victim Speaks Out…
…Local Mom Still Talking About Tupperware…
…Tropic of Cancer sues Caribbean Medical Board for copyright infringement…
…Thoughts and prayers found to be cancerous…
…Christmas Scheduled to Happen Again This Year…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Africa Is Not A Country…
…Teeth Found To Be Tongue Prison…
…City Announces Subway Being Rebranded As “Uber Metro”…
…BREAKING: Grandmother Not Actually As Proud Of You As She Says…
Cigarettes linked to cancer!
…Quiz: Which 90s Murderer Are You?…
…BitCoins Revealed To Be Pogs All Along…
…Dog’s Feet Smell Like Vacuum Cleaner Bag…
…Trump Asks Media “What’s A Tariff?”…
…Medieval Times to get modern update…
…BREAKING NEWS: Dumb Is Spelled With A ‘B’…
…15 found dead in Warner Bros. Water Tower, at the Warner Movie lot…
…The Academy Awards ‘In Memoriam’ Forgets To Mention Macaulay Culkin For The Third Year In A Row…
…Man Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma, Asks, “What’s Up With Lance Armstrong?”…
…Queen Kong???…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Vacuums Suck…
…Mannequins found in store window…
…AMBER ALERT: Spoon; Last seen running away with a Dish…
…Forks and outlets: you decide…
…“Specialist” not a real designation…
…AMBER ALERT: Tiffany Amber Thiessen…
…Hillary Clinton Still Roaming The Woods…
…”Peacoat” not what name suggests…
…Hats are cool…
…Corks Found To Only Be Holding Things Back…
…Newest Gaming Trend: Personal Space…
…Snow Is Just Rain That Forgot To Melt…
…Ophthalmologist: Glasses Are Sexy…
…AMBER ALERT: Amber Tamblyn…
…Four turtles and a rat found dead of toxic poisoning…
…Police Discover Two Bodies In Witch’s Oven…

A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me

When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and walk you through these painful memories.

This Diner On Prom Night

Tour Guide

It was prom night, and the corsage Jason bought matched Stacy’s dress. That should have been my first clue. We also went for some pre-dance milkshakes and he asked for a single straw. I knew then that something wasn’t right. He tossed a twenty—“for the tip and the bus”—on the table and left me sobbing. “Shake, Rattle, and Roll” played on the jukebox in the corner. The server tried her best to cheer me up, but her comments about “spilled milk” did little to ease my pain.

The Dollar Tree That Ended My Marriage

Tour Guide

To be fair to Richard, I was feeling pretty done with our relationship, too. Why else would a well-to-do trust fund baby such as myself shop for anniversary gifts at such a low-end establishment? By year four, I had already been phoning it in pretty hard, but I had no idea he had been feeling the same way. Imagine my surprise when he walked in. He looking for a Snuggie, while I was whipping out $2.75 for a clearance bin copy of Rush Hour 3. Feeling awkward, I tried to play it off as a fun coincidence, one that could strengthen our bond. “It’s like that song where the couple gets drunk and cheats on each other in the rain,” I said. He wasn’t buying it, and I wasn’t buying a 1.5-hour nonstop thrill ride of spy games and interracial bonding.

The Library Where Ryan Turned Me Against Books

Tour Guide

I learned so much at my local library. How to tie a clove hitch. How to macrame and plan for retirement. Did you know an individual blood cell can travel throughout your entire body in only a minute? Or that Napoleon was once attacked by rabbits? The library is a treasure trove of learning and knowledge. And it was here that I learned Ryan had never truly loved me.

At This Chili’s

Tour Guide

We had ordered the blooming onion. My eyes stung. I could not tell that which was the cause.

Over The Phone While In Line At This Starbucks

Tour Guide

My phone rang, and for a moment, it was the happiest mid-morning of my entire life. My favorite coffee and my favorite man. It was a magical 30 seconds … and then I answered the call. I had celebrated too soon. It was Trevor calling to tell me he wanted to see other people. I was beside myself. There was no way I could have seen this coming. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit now, but at the time, I was devastated and desperate. I begged him to reconsider. I kept saying things like “Honey, please” and “Sugar … sugar.” It was the worst coffee I have ever had.

In The Alcohol Section Of My Local Farmer’s Market

Tour Guide

Tour Guide

This was by far the easiest breakup I have ever been through.

Images: Pexels, Carolyn Burke

Carolyn Burke
Carolyn Burke

Author - Friendly Neighborhood Murder Ghost

Carolyn was just an average kid until a freak sledding accident caused her to drown in a summer camp lake. She has been writing for various websites, including Cracked.com, Wetpaint.com, and ScreenRant.com from beyond the grave for over five years. Every hundred years or so she is allowed to return to Earth to hack up teenagers and attend middle school dances ... not always at the same time.

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