bunnyears

…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…

A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me

When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and walk you through these painful memories.

This Diner On Prom Night

Tour Guide

It was prom night, and the corsage Jason bought matched Stacy’s dress. That should have been my first clue. We also went for some pre-dance milkshakes and he asked for a single straw. I knew then that something wasn’t right. He tossed a twenty—“for the tip and the bus”—on the table and left me sobbing. “Shake, Rattle, and Roll” played on the jukebox in the corner. The server tried her best to cheer me up, but her comments about “spilled milk” did little to ease my pain.

The Dollar Tree That Ended My Marriage

Tour Guide

To be fair to Richard, I was feeling pretty done with our relationship, too. Why else would a well-to-do trust fund baby such as myself shop for anniversary gifts at such a low-end establishment? By year four, I had already been phoning it in pretty hard, but I had no idea he had been feeling the same way. Imagine my surprise when he walked in. He looking for a Snuggie, while I was whipping out $2.75 for a clearance bin copy of Rush Hour 3. Feeling awkward, I tried to play it off as a fun coincidence, one that could strengthen our bond. “It’s like that song where the couple gets drunk and cheats on each other in the rain,” I said. He wasn’t buying it, and I wasn’t buying a 1.5-hour nonstop thrill ride of spy games and interracial bonding.

DON’T MISS:  Summer Cocktail Recipes That I Will Not Let My Wife Take In The Divorce!

The Library Where Ryan Turned Me Against Books

Tour Guide

I learned so much at my local library. How to tie a clove hitch. How to macrame and plan for retirement. Did you know an individual blood cell can travel throughout your entire body in only a minute? Or that Napoleon was once attacked by rabbits? The library is a treasure trove of learning and knowledge. And it was here that I learned Ryan had never truly loved me.

At This Chili’s

Tour Guide

We had ordered the blooming onion. My eyes stung. I could not tell that which was the cause.

Over The Phone While In Line At This Starbucks

Tour Guide

My phone rang, and for a moment, it was the happiest mid-morning of my entire life. My favorite coffee and my favorite man. It was a magical 30 seconds … and then I answered the call. I had celebrated too soon. It was Trevor calling to tell me he wanted to see other people. I was beside myself. There was no way I could have seen this coming. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit now, but at the time, I was devastated and desperate. I begged him to reconsider. I kept saying things like “Honey, please” and “Sugar … sugar.” It was the worst coffee I have ever had.

DON’T MISS:  An Entirely Non-Self Serving Pros and Cons List of Why You Should Hire Me To Help You Shower

In The Alcohol Section Of My Local Farmer’s Market

Tour Guide

Tour Guide

This was by far the easiest breakup I have ever been through.

Images: Pexels, Carolyn Burke

You Might Also Like

Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius

I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.

Read More

Fetish Of The Month: Objectophilia

People are fickle and disappointing, but objects last forever.

Read More

Maybe It’s The Meth Talking, But These Detox Tips Make Me Feel Like A God

Fuck! Are you feeling this?

Read More
1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Stalk Us

Video of the Week

We’re Back, Baby! Take THAT, Sawa!