A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me

October 15, 2018 by , featured in Food and Recipes
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When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and walk you through these painful memories.

This Diner On Prom Night

Tour Guide

It was prom night, and the corsage Jason bought matched Stacy’s dress. That should have been my first clue. We also went for some pre-dance milkshakes and he asked for a single straw. I knew then that something wasn’t right. He tossed a twenty—“for the tip and the bus”—on the table and left me sobbing. “Shake, Rattle, and Roll” played on the jukebox in the corner. The server tried her best to cheer me up, but her comments about “spilled milk” did little to ease my pain.

The Dollar Tree That Ended My Marriage

Tour Guide

To be fair to Richard, I was feeling pretty done with our relationship, too. Why else would a well-to-do trust fund baby such as myself shop for anniversary gifts at such a low-end establishment? By year four, I had already been phoning it in pretty hard, but I had no idea he had been feeling the same way. Imagine my surprise when he walked in. He looking for a Snuggie, while I was whipping out $2.75 for a clearance bin copy of Rush Hour 3. Feeling awkward, I tried to play it off as a fun coincidence, one that could strengthen our bond. “It’s like that song where the couple gets drunk and cheats on each other in the rain,” I said. He wasn’t buying it, and I wasn’t buying a 1.5-hour nonstop thrill ride of spy games and interracial bonding.

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The Library Where Ryan Turned Me Against Books

Tour Guide

I learned so much at my local library. How to tie a clove hitch. How to macrame and plan for retirement. Did you know an individual blood cell can travel throughout your entire body in only a minute? Or that Napoleon was once attacked by rabbits? The library is a treasure trove of learning and knowledge. And it was here that I learned Ryan had never truly loved me.

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At This Chili’s

Tour Guide

We had ordered the blooming onion. My eyes stung. I could not tell that which was the cause.

Over The Phone While In Line At This Starbucks

Tour Guide

My phone rang, and for a moment, it was the happiest mid-morning of my entire life. My favorite coffee and my favorite man. It was a magical 30 seconds … and then I answered the call. I had celebrated too soon. It was Trevor calling to tell me he wanted to see other people. I was beside myself. There was no way I could have seen this coming. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit now, but at the time, I was devastated and desperate. I begged him to reconsider. I kept saying things like “Honey, please” and “Sugar … sugar.” It was the worst coffee I have ever had.

In The Alcohol Section Of My Local Farmer’s Market

Tour Guide

Tour Guide

This was by far the easiest breakup I have ever been through.

Images: Pexels, Carolyn Burke


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