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…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
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…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…

I’m Not Basic, I Just Love PSLs (Placenta Spice Lattes)

I’m obsessed with fall. I love fall so much I call it “Autumn” even though I live in America. Who wouldn’t be? There’s so much to love about it: changing leaves, warm sweaters, PSLs.  I’m pretty cheesed about all the PSL shaming that happens this time of year. It’s misogynist to market items specifically to women then mock them for enjoying feminine things. Let’s not shame but rather celebrate femininity with PSLs. You may call that “basic” but if drinking a warm PSL is basic then I’m literally the most basic person on earth.

Scratch Your Basic Itch

There’s nothing I love more than a warm sweater, watching a spooky movie, and slurping down a homemade PSL to absorb iron and corticotropin – releasing hormone into my bloodstream. Embrace your inner basic. Calling things basic is just a way to flush trends out of the zeitgeist to make way for the shiny new thing Society wants you to buy.

I refuse to fall victim to it so I will drink PSLs forever. I don’t even buy them. I make my own in my Bunny Ears™ Spiritual Immersion Blender. My homemade PSLs taste amazing, are chockfull of valuable nutrients, and make me feel like the powerful woman I am.

Thank Goddess It’s PSL Season

PSL’s are the most feminine thing in the world. They unite me to the Divine Feminine. I drink PSLs to celebrate the sensuality and violence of being a woman. I tried other ways of connecting my essence with Mother Nature: meditation, prayer, brandishing my titties at the moon. I felt like a woman but I lacked power.

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So put your titties back in your shirt and join me. Let’s toast each other’s venti-sized chalices and let our blood red PSL mustaches signal to other women that we are truly self actualized, all thanks to PSLs.

The Drink That Eats Like a Meal

When I suck on one of them bad boys my blood literally boils with good vibes. All land mammals except humans regularly eat placenta, so why not try a Placenta Spice Latte? I drink mine in my coffee every morning because mammals invented multitasking as well.

I’m a busy woman on the go. Blood is rich in hemoglobin and I’m need the iron to keep up my hemoglobin’ trotting jetsetter lifestyle. I pay good money to new mothers so that I can have my PSLs and they can send their children to private school.

Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean that I should have to miss out on the benefits of PSLs. To quote a thought I’ve had literally millions of times and a song I heard blaring from a passing car: “I’m a white woman, I can do whatever I want.” And with the power of Placenta Spice Lattes, I truly CAN do whatever I want.

Wait. PSL stands for what? Pumpkin? That’s dumb. Pumpkins aren’t even spicy.

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