Lydia Tries It! Shutting Up About Meghan Markle For Five Minutes
Wow! This is the hardest task I’ve ever tried to tackle for Bunny Ears you guys. Ever since Princess Meghan Markle came into my life I haven’t really found much of a reason to talk about anything else. I know she’s not technically a princess but honestly, have you seen that woman? She’s a princess. When my coworkers are showing off pictures of their dumb babies and dogs I like to pull out my wallet full of ten individual pictures of Princess Meghan Markle.
That all stops now though precious Bunny Ears readers, because Editor-In-Chief Shawn DePasquale has challenged me to try and shut up about Meghan Markle for five goddamn minutes and write an article about it. I’m so pumped to stop talking about Meghan Markle!
I mean, is it going to be difficult? Sure, every minute we learn something new and wonderful about our beautiful princess. For instance my Google alert just notified me that Harry loaned Meghan his jacket and boy do I want to tell everyone in the office individually and through a group email blast.
Really, honestly, it’s only been three minutes and fifty five seconds but how can I not tell everyone in the office about this? This is crucial information! Our princess was cold and her husband clothed her, squee! I can just start the five minutes over again. People need this information!
So, It Turns Out People Didn’t Need That Information
Wow, this is so crazy but when I email blasted everyone to let them know about the jacket thing they were not excited. Shawn was all, “Jesus Christ I asked for five minutes and you couldn’t even give me five minutes of peace?” And you know what, he’s right. I’m not sticking to this experiment so how can I really write about it? Way to edit Shawn! From now on I’m going to, oh no I just got a Google alert that there’s a fascinating reason why Meghan Markle always wears dark blue.
Surely, Shawn will want to know this fascinating reason. I mean, it’s our princess! Ok, technically I’m American so she’s not really my princess but I’m seriously thinking of immigrating to whatever country Harry is the prince of.
Wow, Nobody Cared About That Either
This is so nuts. When I stood on my desk to yell at everyone that the reason Meghan Markle wears dark blue is it subconsciously radiates a regal quality, someone yelled “no one cares.” Um, ok anonymous Bunny Ears co-worker, if no one cares then why did Cosmopolitan write an entire article about it?
Ok I’m just going to have to turn off my computer and do something in the real world for five minutes. Maybe I could stare at one of the ten individual pictures of Megan Markle I keep in my wallet.
You know, as I’m writing this it is starting to feel a little bit like I have a problem. I understand that royal fever is pretty intense right now. It’s just that Meghan Markle seems like such a nice relatable person who got to marry a prince which she totally deserves and some of us aren’t married to princes because their prince legally requires them to stay five hundred feet away at all time which makes a marriage really hard to navigate because of the distance.
Oh look, I found every photo ever taken of Meghan Markle’s baby bump. There are well over three thousand photos here. Well, this is obviously going to take me hours to sort through. I guess that mean I can shut up about Meghan Markle for five minutes without actually having to stop thinking about Meghan Markle! Loophole Shawn. He’s going to be so excited when I tell him.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…