The Newest Face Mask Trend Is Winning A Kid’s Choice Award So Nickelodeon Will Slime You
Bunny Ears is thrilled to introduce you to the next hot trend in face masks: winning a kid’s choice award so Nickelodeon will slime you. It turns out that famous slime is actually a powerful anti-aging serum that is (according to a spokesperson) “absolutely, 100% not made out of the bodies of expired Kid’s Choice winners,” so we knew you’d want to get your hands—or rather, your shriveling, normally aging face—on it. The only surefire way is to win a Kid’s Choice Award, so your first step is to pick the award you want to win.
Winning a Music Award
To win a Kid’s Choice Award in music, you’ll need to be more than just hot. You’ll need to be very, very hot. It helps to be able to sing, but we have apps for that now. It’s much more important to focus on your look and on having “it.” If you have to ask if you have it, you can’t afford it. Once you have your snappy outfits picked out, it’s time to go viral! Don’t overthink it. All you need to go viral is to get over a million views on YouTube.
Winning An Acting Award
I’ll be honest: Winning a Kid’s Choice Award will be much easier if you’re already a TV or movie star with a young fanbase. If you’re not already one of those, you’ve got quite the task ahead of you. First, you’ll want to get some headshots and an agent. If you’re already successful in another Hollywood field or have rich and famous parents, just let everyone know you’re ready to break into stardom. If those conditions don’t apply for you, you may want to skip the acting category and just die in a hole. Also, stop reading our website. We don’t want you, either.
Whatever The Weird New Category Is This Year
If you’re an unfamous unfortunate, try to win whatever the new category is this year. In 2018, it was “Favorite Funny YouTube Creator.” The great thing about this category is that anyone with a camera on their phone can make eligible content, so throw up some videos and then just make sure your channel gets billions of hits. It’s as easy as baking a pie and then making sure that pie gets billions of hits.
After You’ve Won
Congratulations! You became a youth sensation and got slimed on live TV. Find a nice grassy lawn and roll around in your slime. You may be tempted to wash the slime off almost immediately, but you mustn’t. By leaving it on, you’ll enjoy the full healing powers of the goo. Plus, when people ask you about it or just look at you in disgust, you can pull your Nerf trophy out of your pocket and casually mention that you just won a Kid’s Choice Award. Win-win!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…