Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love
Are you struggling to find a good replacement for the soy you love? You’re not totally tofurked. We’ve got a list of incredible meat alternatives.
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
We Invited the Street Sharks Creator to Chat About His New Luxury Line of Boulevard Sharks
If you loved Street Sharks you’ll love these luxurious new Boulevard Sharks. If you can afford them, which you almost certainly cannot.
The Newest Face Mask Trend Is Winning A Kid’s Choice Award So Nickelodeon Will Slime You
If you’ve tried all the face masks, you’ll love this hot new trend where you win a Kid’s Choice Award so Nickelodeon will give you a slime face mask.
Are Your Crystals Being Tested on Spirit Animals?
We shouldn’t let our thirst for power interfere with our compassion for our spiritual companions.
I Murdered a Golem And Made A Soothing Clay Mask!
After discovering a murderous golem in my community, I tracked it down and killed it to create my very own golem clay mask. And you can, too!
We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie
We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We […]
Why Stop at the Placenta? Go Ahead and Eat the Whole Baby
Unless you’ve been living in a cave or some other appropriately yonic remote dwelling, you’ve probably heard about the practice of placentophagia. Celebrities from Kim Kardashian to Mayim Bialik have scarfed the ol’ babybag. Eating the placenta after giving birth may help you replenish your iron supplies or boost your mood. What you may not […]
Hot Piles of Garbage: Bunny Ears Staffers Describe Their Morning Routines
Today’s morning routine: ELLA GALE Here at Bunny Ears, we’ve loved working with this Los Angeles based “comedian” and freelance writer. She has walloped us with her passion for everything from corsetry to green juice. Ella Gale lives in Hollywood (heard of it?) with a mounted deer skull named Buckminster Skuller and whichever of her […]
Help! My Dog Ate My Tarot Deck and Now She is Vibing VERY Major Arcana
I love writing for Bunny Ears, because our readers are so knowledgeable! They’ve got a perfectly manicured grip on so many topics, from crystal healing to crystal decorating. That’s why, instead of advising you on romantic woes and pelvic architecture, I now turn to you for help. Yesterday, my dog ate my tarot deck, and […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Fur: Accentuate With Whole Live Animals
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
The Only Summer Jam You Need This Year Is Grapefruit Marmalade
It’s summertime! And I don’t care how hot it is, sometimes I just want to dance…with joy after eating a big scoop of grapefruit marmalade. It’s a little bit sweet and incredibly bitter, just like my meemaw who taught me the recipe. This summer jam can be enjoyed in all your favorite summer spots. POOLSIDE […]
Our Vaginal Jade Eggs Hatched Into Vaginal Jade Birds and the Pain is Unimaginable
Last spring, Bunny Ears introduced the world to the tremendous healing energy of vaginal jade eggs. Our bunny holes are powerful incubators of life—so powerful that the jade eggs we stuck up there hatched into vaginal jade birds. Now, we are thrilled to stop screaming in agony long enough to describe the pain we are […]
Why I Won’t Move In With My Boyfriend Until We’re Engaged Or At Least Dating
My friends are often surprised to find out that I won’t move in with a guy until I’ve got a ring or at least an understanding that we are a couple. Sure, it’s a little old fashioned, but it’s what works for me. I’m not some stuffy agony aunt trying to tell you what to […]
You’ve Heard of Vaginal Steaming, Now Try Blowing Smoke up Your Own Ass
As a wellness writer at Bunny Ears, I love to get my vagina steamed by going outside naked, pointing my yon-yon at the upper atmosphere, and waiting for climate change to take its course. If that doesn’t make me the hostess with the moistest, I get my face as close as possible to my sacred […]
Forget the Pelvic Floor, We Hired a Swedish Architect to Build Us a Pelvic Mezzanine
Some people think that the pelvic floor is important just because it keeps your organs from getting poured out onto the ground like a green juice the new girl at Bile forgot to put bee pollen in even though you were ADAMANT about wanting it. Before you decide whether to replace your pelvic floor with […]
Inessential Oils: Our Guide to Smelling Pretty Weird
Essential oils may have no scientifically demonstrated benefits, but at least they smell good. We can’t say the same thing about our list of inessential oils. We can’t guarantee that they won’t actively harm you, but we can guarantee that they smell pretty weird. Our inessential oils are as malodorous as they are useless, and […]
I Got So Into Dry Body Brushing That I Entered A Dressage Competition As The Horse
If you follow most holistic healing blogs, odds are you’ve stumbled upon the phrase “dry body brushing” at least once or twice. For the uninitiated, dry brushing is exactly what it sounds like: You stroke your skin once or twice daily with a soft-bristled brush with the intention of exfoliating your epidermis and stimulating your […]
How to Find a Yoga Teacher Who Isn’t Dating Your Ex
One important aspect of starting a yoga practice is finding a teacher who hasn’t doggied downward with your ex. This can be surprisingly difficult. But never fear, a good yoga practice can be done anywhere (for instance, on your ex’s dick). You want to have a good connection with your yoga teacher. And not a […]
Breezy Morse Code For Slipping into His DMs Before The Storm A-Comes
Ahoy, there, mateys! If you’ve got your spyglass trained on a rough-handed mariner, this article is for you. But don’t wait too long! We just saw a red sky this morning, although we probably would have called the color “Cape Cod cranberry” or “peasant blood.” You better get a-tapping before the waters get choppier than […]
How To Maintain a Minimalist Lifestyle in NYC As If You Had A Fucking Choice
Minimalism is a design aesthetic with a long and rich history. I assume. I didn’t actually research it, because I only have fifteen minutes to write this article. If I don’t put in a 10-hour shift on Wipr (an app you really don’t want more information about) I’ll lose my “Golden” status and my $5 weekly […]
Meditations That Will Help You Sleep If You Jerk Off To The Sexy Australian Voice Reading Them
After a long day of goat yoga and apple cider vinegar colonics, it can be hard to get to sleep. Just because you’ve gone to bed doesn’t mean you’re at rest. Here at Bunny Ears, we love capping off our nighttime routine by flicking it to a meditation. Specifically, a meditation read by Logan Coleman, […]
These Corsets Will Make Your Waist So Tiny You Faint Straight Onto His Dick
Everything old is new again: unvaccinated children, unfiltered water, and now, corsets! Thanks to celebrities like the literal hourglass in Aladdin, waist training and corsetry are back. We’re always on-trend here at Bunny Ears, so we’ve retained a staff corsetiere. Gertrude may be severe, but she gets results! We can’t wait to teach you how […]
Save Time by Putting Your New House Plants Straight in These Festive Garbage Cans
Congratulations, new plant parents! A lot of lifestyle blogs waste your time recommending beautiful containers for your new plant babies, like origami-inspired ceramics or rustic converted claw-foot tubs. We recognize that these things may have their uses, but you know as well we do that you’re not capable of keeping anything alive, so here are some […]
We Can’t Get Over This Tiny House’s Adorable Tiny Eviction Notice
The idea that tiny houses are more affordable is a common misconception. If you put your mind to it, there’s no reason you can’t live beyond your means in less than 200 square feet of space. Beth and Mike Swendell found that out the hard way when they were recently evicted from a handcrafted, Nordic-accented tiny […]