How To Maintain a Minimalist Lifestyle in NYC As If You Had A Fucking Choice
Minimalism is a design aesthetic with a long and rich history. I assume. I didn’t actually research it, because I only have fifteen minutes to write this article. If I don’t put in a 10-hour shift on Wipr (an app you really don’t want more information about) I’ll lose my “Golden” status and my $5 weekly bonus. So disclaimer: Much of the below is entirely made up.
That being said, minimalist traditions date back to the early 1300s when a Viking named Erik With A K landed on the shores of Iceland, looked around, and shouted, “THERE’S NOTHING HERE. I GUESS THAT’S MY THING NOW.” Well guess what? Living a minimalist lifestyle like Erik (minus all the murder stuff) is not only possible; it’s entirely achievable— especially in New York City where you can’t afford a goddamn thing anyway.
So without further ado, here’s your guide to minimalist living in NYC—as if you had a fucking choice.
When you live in New York, space can be tight. But just because you’re living in a closet under a staircase like The Boy Who Lived doesn’t mean you can’t maximize your square footage to its full potential. For example, your floor can serve as both a floor and a bed (and don’t forget a table!). Unless it’s one of the nights when AJ needs to keep her moped in there, in which case you can just go work another Wipr shift. Let’s be real, your crippling financial worries were going to keep you up all night anyways.
When you’re decorating your “home,” it can be hard to know where to begin. But if you adopt a minimalist aesthetic, everything gets easier. Have you unrolled your sleeping bag? Guess what, you’re done! What kind of art should you put on the walls? None! You can’t afford art. What brand of nightstand should you buy? JK, like you own enough possessions to even put in one anyway.
And minimalism doesn’t just help you clear out junk in your home. It helps you clear out junk in your brain. When you stop worrying about things like coffee tables, throw pillows, and forks, you’ll find you have way more time and energy to worry about how you’re going to afford a trip to the dentist to treat that tooth you’re pretty sure has gone septic.
PARE DOWN YOUR WARDROBE
Have you ever changed outfits six times and still felt like you weren’t wearing the right thing? Well that’s definitely not a problem you’ll encounter while being a minimalist in New York on a freelancer’s salary. You own so few items of clothing that you’ll have exactly three potential ensembles in any given year. Just keep in mind that black goes with everything and looks clean longer, so we hope that’s what you picked the last time your mom took you shopping.
OWN LESS, LIVE LESS
When you stop caring about how much stuff you own, you’ll find you have all the time in the world to work tirelessly at three different freelance gigs to support yourself at a subsistence level.
Minimalist living in NYC isn’t just a great choice. It’s your only choice.