Fun False Idols To Worship This Summer

The days are getting longer, the sun is shining brighter, and summer adventures are just around the corner. For many of us, that means one thing: a whole new season of fun false idols to worship!

Instead of spending your precious time on Earth devoting yourself to things like compassion, charity, or spiritual and/or religious enlightenment, most of us are just trying to lose ourselves in the sweet abyss of meaningless possessions and empty experiences. We here at Bunny Ears aim to make your idolatry both focused and attainable, so we’ve compiled a list of the most on-trend products/activities to distract you from what’s genuinely important in this life. Happy idolatrizing!

The iPhone X

This one technically falls under the umbrella of “technology,” which isn’t exactly new in the false idol department. But with features like Face ID, an OLED screen, and a portrait-quality selfie mode, you’ll be able to forget that polar bears are literally starving to death because of human apathy.

Your Own Body

Worshiping your own body to the point of obsession is a great way to numb yourself to the fact that death is coming for us all. So rock those squats and own that duck lip!

The Handmaid’s Tale Season 2

Remember to say, “It’s scary because it’s relevant” while failing to vote in the primaries.

Brunch       

What better way to forget the bottomless emptiness inside yourself than bottomless mimosas? Brunch is also a great way to show off all that foodie knowledge you’ve acquired while watching The Food Network when you could have been improving both your own life and the lives of others.

Playing Fortnight

There’s truly no better false god than that of the futuristic, dystopia-themed video game. A make-believe virtual world is such a better place to be a hero than this one, where real people need your help.

Elon Musk

He’s a fabulous role model for throwing all your hopes and dreams into a single, highly profitable entity without doing anything to better the world at large. Who needs to recycle when we’re all gonna live on the Moon someday, stupid?

Busy Philipps

What can we say? She’s fun, she’s cute, and she’s getting her own late-night talk show called Busy Tonight, coming to E! this August. Go, girl!

Your “novel”

Your novel is an extension of yourself, and you’re just about the best false idol there is! Remember: Love yourself, accept yourself, and praise yourself, no matter how big a piece of shit you truly are.

Images:  Pexels / Pexels/ Pexels/Pexels/ Pexels /George Kraychyk, Hulu / Pexels / OnInnovation, Flickr / Wikimedia Commons