Fall Fashion Tips To Thwart The Massive Government Surveillance Conspiracy Against You

September 27, 2018 by
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These days, it seems like everyone is on one watch list or another, even if—unlike the Bunny Ears office—your parking lot isn’t filled with shotgun shells and wrecks of the remote-control drones we were shooting at while extremely intoxicated at 4:00 AM because we thought THIS WAS AMERICA. LAND OF FREEDOM. As you might imagine, we have the scoop on all sorts of fashion tips that will thwart the massive government surveillance conspiracy against you, one way or another.

Consider Becoming A Juggalo. Or Furry. Or Both. Fuck it.

Taking on facial recognition software is currently one of the greatest challenges facing those of us that don’t want to be seen by the totalitarian forces watching our every move. Fortunately, it was recently discovered that Juggalo makeup can confuse attempts by software to find one’s face. That’s the good news; the bad news is that the Gathering of the Juggalos only happens during the summer, so taking on this bold fashion statement in the fall will make you look a bit passe. Fortunately, there are other options. For instance, have you considered buying a full body animal costume? Added bonus: It’ll keep you nice and snuggly warm in that brisk fall air. Honestly, there is no reason you can’t take on both.

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Government Surveillance Conspiracy

That Thing Where You Paint A Face On Your Belly Button

There has to be a name for this right? The guys with the giant top hats and the whistling belly buttons? You know, like for street performance and talent shows?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: This is not a thing. I refuse to believe this is a thing. Also, you need to stop posting videos of this bullshit in the work Slack. Sometimes, your weird obscure references creep us out, Rani. –Shawn]

Well, anyway, paint a face on your stomach. Whatever. Shut up.

Wear Clothes With Patterns Of Famous Faces

Government Surveillance Conspiracy

There’s fancy designer clothing that confuses facial recognition software already, but who wants to get on German Etsy or whatever when you can find clothes plastered with photos of random celebrities at pretty much any off-brand clothing outlet? To face recognition software you might as well be wearing that witness protection suit from A Scanner Darkly.

Literally Wear Another Person’s Face

Government Surveillance Conspiracy

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Okay, exactly what the shit, Rani. –Shawn]

Images: PexelsYouTubethornet, tacit requiem


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