Leaf peeping season is finally here with a cascade of vibrant reds, yellows and golds. Whether you’re exploring the autumnal tapestry of New England, or soaking in some Midwestern charm, nothing beats a fall foray with the fam, just ask our dipshit intern. Oh you can’t, he died. But before you pack up the station wagon, it’s only natural to wonder what to do if that thing from The Happening happens.
You know. The Happening. That movie. M. Night Shyamalan did it a few years ago, before everyone decided he was awful, and then maybe okay again. Well, for leaf lovers like us, The Happening happening is one of our greatest fears. How do you enjoy all the festivities fall has to offer when the thing you love the most is out to “happen” you? That’s why we put together a few tips and tricks you’ll find handy if a “Happening” from The Happening happens to happen.
FALL DECOR SHOULDN’T BE A CHORE
So, you’re deciduous deep in your favorite wood, thicket, or bramble, when everyone around you starts getting Happened. First things first: Do you have proper supplies? Pumpkin spiced lattes for energy. Yankee candles for light. Some sort of gourd wreath to hang on the door of any Colonial style house you’re forced to hide in to signal you’re inside. These basics may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many fall foliage fanatics forget them on the way out the door.
STAY AHEAD OF THE AUTUMN WIND
Nothing beats sweater weather, but during a Happening the chill fall breeze can transform your cozy day into an inescapable death trap. Keep moving, and be sure to clock any Sugar Maple, Red Maple, Black Tupelo, Aspen, or Sassafras you happen upon. Trees may now be the enemy, but that doesn’t mean you want to miss their fervent fall charm.
KEEP THE LEAF-LOVING SQUAD SMALL
Happenings often attack larger groups of people, whether you’re peeping leaves or leaving your peeps behind in a mad dash for your life. So you’re going to want to split up into smaller units as quickly as possible. Pro tip: Be sure your new chums have a keen eye for the color wheel. Red, orange, and yellow are for amateurs. If you’re going to die today, you’ll want to die with some color conversant folks beside you. Feuille morte, sepia, amber and gamboge. These are hues worth gruesomely mutilating yourself for.
SHUT THE WINDOWS AND DOORS
Happenings count on your love of crisp fall air (you almost have to tip your knit hat to these autumnal assassins, with their explosive russert, scarlet, crimson, and carmine hues). So be sure to lock yourself away in that 1963 Ford Falcon you splurged on when you retired as you sightsee along the Ashuwillticook.
Then again, rules are meant to be broken, so don’t necessarily deny yourself a favorite forest trail, a hayride with friends, or that charming B&B. Sometimes surviving isn’t the same as living. And quite frankly, if I can’t indulge in some moderate-to-heavy autumnal adventuring, I’d rather get eaten by my own lawn mower anyway.
Images: 20th Century Fox