How To Enjoy Fall Foliage Even When 'The Happening' Happens
…Dog’s Feet Smell Like Vacuum Cleaner Bag…
…AMBER ALERT: Amber Tamblyn…
…Teeth Found To Be Tongue Prison…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Hillary Clinton Still Roaming The Woods…
…Psychic Predicts World Already Over…
…City Announces Subway Being Rebranded As “Uber Metro”…
…“Specialist” not a real designation…
…Corks Found To Only Be Holding Things Back…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Vacuums Suck…
…Tropic of Cancer sues Caribbean Medical Board for copyright infringement…
…Medieval Times to get modern update…
…Entertainment personality ahead in the polls…
…Study finds that 9 out of 10 studies are for nerds…
…Waldo still missing…
…Secret Ingredient To Sushi Discovered: FISH…
…Colonel Sanders Found to Have Never Served in the Military…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Africa Is Not A Country…
…Mannequins found in store window…
…Trump Asks Media “What’s A Tariff?”…
…Quiz: Do You Have A Savior Complex Or Are You Just Jesus?…
…RIP KOKO…
…Local Mom Still Talking About Tupperware…
…Snow Is Just Rain That Forgot To Melt…
…AMBER ALERT: Tiffany Amber Thiessen…
…Man Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma, Asks, “What’s Up With Lance Armstrong?”…
…Hats are cool…
…Thoughts and prayers found to be cancerous…
…15 found dead in Warner Bros. Water Tower, at the Warner Movie lot…
…Christmas Scheduled to Happen Again This Year…
…Cancer and Death to marry… cigarettes devastated…
…10 Out Of 10 Car Salesmen Agree, You Need A New Car…
…”Peacoat” not what name suggests…
…Forks and outlets: you decide…
…BitCoins Revealed To Be Pogs All Along…
Cancer linked to death!
Cigarettes linked to cancer!
…Queen Kong???…
…Quiz: Does He Know You’re Illiterate? …
…AMBER ALERT: Spoon; Last seen running away with a Dish…
…San Francisco and Oakland make up; will become one city…
… Red and Yellow Is The New Black…
…The Academy Awards ‘In Memoriam’ Forgets To Mention Macaulay Culkin For The Third Year In A Row…
…BREAKING: Grandmother Not Actually As Proud Of You As She Says…
…Roast Beef: Lunch Meat or Middle Toe? Little Piggies Respond…
…BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers shocked to learn Staten Island isn’t part of New Jersey…
…Quiz: Which 90s Murderer Are You?…
…Lindbergh baby missing…
…God found dead in space…
…Four turtles and a rat found dead of toxic poisoning…
…Police Discover Two Bodies In Witch’s Oven…
…Forever 21 Turns 34 this year…
…Ophthalmologist: Glasses Are Sexy…
…Supreme Court Rules: We Rule! …
…BREAKING NEWS: Dumb Is Spelled With A ‘B’…
…Newest Gaming Trend: Personal Space…
…Scientists find that Vaping is dope AF…
…Murder Victim Speaks Out…

How To Enjoy Fall Foliage Even If That Thing From ‘The Happening’ Happens

The Happening

Leaf peeping season is finally here with a cascade of vibrant reds, yellows and golds. Whether you’re exploring the autumnal tapestry of New England, or soaking in some Midwestern charm, nothing beats a fall foray with the fam, just ask our dipshit intern. Oh you can’t, he died. But before you pack up the station wagon, it’s only natural to wonder what to do if that thing from The Happening happens.

You know. The Happening. That movie. M. Night Shyamalan did it a few years ago, before everyone decided he was awful, and then maybe okay again. Well, for leaf lovers like us, The Happening happening is one of our greatest fears. How do you enjoy all the festivities fall has to offer when the thing you love the most is out to “happen” you? That’s why we put together a few tips and tricks you’ll find handy if a “Happening” from The Happening happens to happen.  

FALL DECOR SHOULDN’T BE A CHORE

So, you’re deciduous deep in your favorite wood, thicket, or bramble, when everyone around you starts getting Happened. First things first: Do you have proper supplies? Pumpkin spiced lattes for energy. Yankee candles for light. Some sort of gourd wreath to hang on the door of any Colonial style house you’re forced to hide in to signal you’re inside. These basics may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many fall foliage fanatics forget them on the way out the door. 

STAY AHEAD OF THE AUTUMN WIND

THE HAPPENING 7

Nothing beats sweater weather, but during a Happening the chill fall breeze can transform your cozy day into an inescapable death trap. Keep moving, and be sure to clock any Sugar Maple, Red Maple, Black Tupelo, Aspen, or Sassafras you happen upon. Trees may now be the enemy, but that doesn’t mean you want to miss their fervent fall charm.

KEEP THE LEAF-LOVING SQUAD SMALL

Happenings often attack larger groups of people, whether you’re peeping leaves or leaving your peeps behind in a mad dash for your life. So you’re going to want to split up into smaller units as quickly as possible. Pro tip: Be sure your new chums have a keen eye for the color wheel. Red, orange, and yellow are for amateurs. If you’re going to die today, you’ll want to die with some color conversant folks beside you. Feuille morte, sepia, amber and gamboge. These are hues worth gruesomely mutilating yourself for.

SHUT THE WINDOWS AND DOORS

2008 the happening

Happenings count on your love of crisp fall air (you almost have to tip your knit hat to these autumnal assassins, with their explosive russert, scarlet, crimson, and carmine hues). So be sure to lock yourself away in that 1963 Ford Falcon you splurged on when you retired as you sightsee along the Ashuwillticook.

Then again, rules are meant to be broken, so don’t necessarily deny yourself a favorite forest trail, a hayride with friends, or that charming B&B. Sometimes surviving isn’t the same as living. And quite frankly, if I can’t indulge in some moderate-to-heavy autumnal adventuring, I’d rather get eaten by my own lawn mower anyway.

Images: 20th Century Fox

Brian Steele
Brian Steele

Brian Steele is a writer living in Los Angeles. He's written and produced content for companies such as Funny Or Die, FreMantle Media, IFC, MyDamnChannel, Splitsider and TruTV. You can check out his work at HoltandSteele.com.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.