Find Out Which ‘Mambo No. 5’ Girl You Are Based On Your Sign!

April 9, 2022 by , featured in Horoscopes
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Did you know that your astrological sign directly correlates to a specific woman mentioned in Lou Bega’s late ’90s banger “Mambo No. 5”? Of course not. Why would you? Read on to find out which generic object of Lou’s affection you were meant to be, as determined by the Cosmos!

Aquarius: Pamela

You hate being lonely, so you don’t mind getting crammed into a song full of other women. You’re also currently trying to convince Lou to invite a second man into the bedroom. He’s aggressively against it.

Pisces: Rita

Your artistic intuition rarely leads you astray, and because of this, you knew “Mambo No. 5” was going to be a smash hit. Unfortunately, you also tend to be overly trusting of people like Lou Bega who tell you you’ll be paid to be referenced in a song.

Aries: Angela

You’re the beginning of the astrological chart and the first name to come out of Lou Bega’s mouth on the track. As the warrior of the zodiac, you fought hard for this coveted top-billing.

Taurus: Sandra

You’re devoted to Lou Bega’s artistic vision but practical enough to understand that you’re just a cog in this machine. You’re not looking to be anything more than that.

Gemini: Rita (From The Chorus)

That other Pisces-ass Rita is a backstabbing monster, and you know it.

Cancer: Erica

You tend to be a little insecure, which is why you’re constantly by Lou Bega’s side.

Leo: Monica

Lou Bega likes you in his life, but only a little bit. However, you’re fiercely independent, so this works for you.

Virgo: Tina

Your analytical disposition forces you to dwell on why your major descriptive characteristic is “what I see.” Is this a metaphor for Lou’s temporary infatuation with you, or did he just not have anything else to rhyme with “need?” It’s not even a perfect rhyme.

Libra: Mary

You often stay over “all night long” and have an entire set of toiletries at Bega Manor. You recently discovered that “Mambo No. 5” exists, and you’re very upset.

Scorpio: Jessica

You were a hasty and unplanned addition to the end of the chorus. Your brave, take-no-shit attitude led to a fruitful libel lawsuit against the Bega Estate that has set you up for life.

Sagittarius: The Boys from the Liquor Store

Lou Bega often sends you into the liquor store to get gin and juice, because he “really don’t wanna.” Your enthusiasm speaks to your generous spirit and makes you great at being several different boys at once. Just be sure you’re comfortable with how much you give to others.

Capricorn: The Trumpet

You’re the brains behind the operation, and Lou Bega knows it.

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