How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist
Your failure is written in the stars.
Who You’ll Bang In The Animaniacs Universe According To Your Sign
Minerva Mink? Or perhaps the Godpigeon?
What You’d Shoplift From Lowe’s Based On Your Zodiac Sign
Will it be garden soil? Or perhaps a mailbox?
Hogwarts Sex: Where You’ll Get It On, According To The Zodiac
Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign
The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
Horoscope: Which Type Of Flu Will Kill You When The Pandemic Hits?
With overpopulation, global travel, and not one, but several strains of drug-resistant superbugs already taking hold, it’s safe to say that you and everyone you know will die in a pandemic (soon). And if modern history has taught us anything, this pandemic will likely come in the form of classic influenza. But will you die of […]
What VD You Definitely Have Right Now Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.
Your September Horoscope!
There are no more stars. You look up into the night and all you see is an inky void. It is calming somehow. Refreshing. Clear. You can remember a time when there were stars, little dots of light in your life that gave meaning to the things you did. A time when you knew […]
Free Monthly Horoscope As Interpreted In Bob Ross Sayings
Guidance. We all seek it, but few can look high beyond the clouds to truly comprehend which direction to go. Luckily, horoscopes are a quick and easy way to attain clarity. So eyes to the fluffy, clouded skies and saddle up as we channel one of our oldest dating apps, the Ouija board, to connect […]
How To Cook The Perfect Salmon Depending On Your Zodiac Sign
The Zodiac guides us through challenges in life. The stars are as wise as they are numerous, and strongly advise which recipes you should use to prepare salmon! Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Those who fall under the sign of Aries are teeming with chaotic energy. Mars, god of war, compels you to seek […]
Horoscopes with a Horror Twist
Welcome to your monthly horoscope! Let this help guide you through the coming weeks in both your decisions and intentions. The sun is in Aquarius until the end of the month, which brings an abundance of protective energy — use it to your advantage! We’re serious. Aries: The Aries moon is in Libra, meaning there’s […]
Free Monthly Horoscopes – March Edition
Hello and welcome to your monthly Horoscope Guide! We know you have a lot of options when it comes to finding out your future, and we are thrilled and humbled that you’ve chosen us to be the copilots on your astrological journey through the stars. Aquarius: The Water-Bearer! Your colors are light-blue and silver. You […]