This Summer’s Hottest Books You Could Read Instead of Harry Potter Again But Probably Not
Are you a Hogwarts fan? Are you sick of being antagonized by people telling you to “read another book”? Is your life and family in danger of financial ruin because of your addiction to writing Harry Potter fanfic? If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions (and obviously you did), the Bunny Ears Book Club is here to help. You can finally get those people, especially your husband and children, off your back with these hot new summer reads. Though let’s be real—you’ll just read Harry Potter again.
Ship It by Britta Lundin
This charming and poignant young adult novel explores the life of 16-year-old Claire, an obsessed fan fiction writer who finds out the hard way that sometimes real life isn’t compatible with fandom. Hello, relatable!
But you know what’s even more relatable? Harry’s conflict with the Dementors, which mirrors real-life depression. It’s so inspirational how he learns to defeat them. You wouldn’t think you could see much of yourself in a character who’s basically Jesus with actual superpowers, but dammit if Joanne K. Rowling doesn’t pull it off. That’s why you’ll probably just start over with Prisoner of Azkaban instead. The first two books are just fluff.
If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late: A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Together by James J. Sexton
This divorce attorney has seen it all, and he doles out hilarious stories along with real advice for dealing with the most common marital problems. But that might get too real, and there’s no way those stories of relationship woe can compare to the clearly unresolved sexual tension between Harry and Draco, so you’ll need to dive in and re-explore that immediately. Who cares if your husband thinks it’s creepy to obsess over the homoerotic undertones of a children’s book? Those two were clearly meant for each other.
Continuing with the family theme, this volume relays 11 stories from children and teens about their parents’ divorces and how it affected them. They, uh, might be helpful to you in the immediate future. But you know what? Those kids should consider themselves lucky that they even have parents. Do you hear that, June and Ethan? Harry’s parents died when he was only a year old, dooming him to a childhood in an abusive home with people who hated him, and do you hear him complaining? Well, yes, you do, but it built character. I bet he’d kill for a mother who spends all her time writing fanfiction. Plus, there’s no way those kids’ stories are more heartbreaking than the scene before Harry’s penultimate confrontation with Voldemort where he uses the Resurrection Stone to surround himself with his deceased loved ones to give him strength as he meets certain death. Oh god, I need a minute.
In this enthralling anthology, Groff weaves tales of the wonders and threats, both ecological and emotional, of one of America’s most delightfully weird states. But more importantly, it’ll help prepare you for leaving your entire life behind to live at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios, Florida. You’ll get a job at Ollivander’s, live on pub feasts from the Three Broomsticks, and reread Harry Potter as many times as you want in peace. You don’t need your family. All you need is Harry.
Images: Warner Bros.