Breezy Morse Code For Slipping into His DMs Before The Storm A-Comes
Ahoy, there, mateys! If you’ve got your spyglass trained on a rough-handed mariner, this article is for you. But don’t wait too long! We just saw a red sky this morning, although we probably would have called the color “Cape Cod cranberry” or “peasant blood.” You better get a-tapping before the waters get choppier than a culinary school knife skills class. To help you out, we’ve assembled a list of morse code essentials for hopping right into your sailor’s DMs.
..- / ..- .–.
Cut straight to the point and let him know you want to climb that mast. This message saves time and lets him know what’s up before the sky darkens, rain falls, and his ship is tossed on the waves like fat-free dressing on arugula. This method isn’t subtle, but if it works, the storm won’t be the only thing a-coming. He may be married to the sea, but you can still be his land ho.
COOL ANCHOR TATTOO!
-.-. — — .-.. / .- -. -.-. …. — .-. / – .- – – — —
Traditional naval tattoos aren’t just for latte-sucking hipsters in skinny jeans. They’re also for actual sailors. Let him know you’ve been checking out his biceps with this flirtatious message. We know your salty sea dog is busy, but we hope he has time to drop an actual anchor before the waves tower over his boat and he does battle with the untamed powers of mother nature. If you play your cards right, things might get so steamy that he has to cover the eyes of his sexy sailor lady tattoo. O captain, my captain!
I WILL LOOK 4 UR BOAT FROM MY WIDOW’S WALK
.. / .– .. .-.. .-.. / .-.. — — -.- / ….- / ..- .-. / -… — .- – / ..-. .-. — — / — -.– / .– .. -.. — .– … / .– .- .-.. -.-
This message lets him know you’re thinking about the future. Specifically, a future where the big one just hit and you’re standing on the railed balcony of your 19th-century Cape Cod home, fingers gripping the railing. Your face tastes like salt, from the sea air and the tears you’ve shed waiting for your lover to come home, scanning the horizon for the shape of a boat. Pretty soon, he’ll be standing on the deck, searching the churning foam of the sea for the shape of your face. The loneliness of the sea is a great way to keep your relationship exciting. He could be pulled to the depths at any moment, reunion is as sweet as separation is wretched, and you never have to spend money on sea salt spray again!
NEW HAM RADIO WHO DIS?
-. . .– / …. .- — / .-. .- -.. .. — / .– …. — / -.. .. … ..–..
Playing hard to get can be fun. Honestly, you get a lot of messages from a lot of different sea captains, so it’s not your fault you didn’t save his number on your new amateur radio. “Who is this? Captain John? Sorry, hon, but you’re going to need to be a little more specific.” Make him work to stand out from the crowd like a mast on the horizon. With a little luck, you can have your seaman and eat it, too.