bunnyears

…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…

We Contacted Marilyn Monroe’s Ghost, And TBH She Was Kind Of A Drag

marilyn monroe's ghost

It’s an age-old question: If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be? For a lot of women living that #blessed Hollywood lifestyle, the answer is obviously Marilyn Monroe. Not only was she talented, intelligent, and troubled, she probably has some bomb makeup tips. Well, for those of us lucky enough to possess a deep connection to the spirit world and also some herbs purchased from a shady-looking guy on the boardwalk, hangin’ with NorJay can be more than a fantasy. In fact, it can be somewhat less than a fantasy. I recently spent an evening with Marilyn Monroe’s ghost, and I gotta tell you, she was a real drag.

Even dead celebrities need their privacy, so I won’t tell you how to contact the spirit of Marilyn Monroe, but right off the bat, she was super eager to talk. Like, a little pathetically so. I’m flattered and everything, and I never thought I’d say this, but be cool, Marilyn Monroe. The problem was she could only communicate in fragments, and at first, it was just letters. She kept saying “A…C… I… A…C…I…A…C…. ” I guess she’s really into acai, which makes sense; she was such a trendsetter.

I seized on the opening to discuss diet, fitness, and beauty with the most beautiful woman in the world. How did she manage to keep her hair gold but never brassy? Exactly how do you get an ass like that with a waist like that? “Murder,” she responded. Was … that a joke? I pressed on. Real talk, was the beauty mark fake or what? “Cover-up,” she said. Now we’re getting somewhere! What about cover-up, I asked her, and by the way, we call it concealer now. “Coroner,” she insisted. No, no, no, con-ceal-er, I told her. Then she was back to the letters, “I… A…C…I…A…. ” I was clearly getting nowhere with this line of questioning.

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I tried a different tack. What was JFK like in bed? She really responded to that one, I could feel it in her energy, but all she would say was “secrets.” Like, okay, I don’t see the harm in a little locker room talk when all parties are long dead, but fine, don’t kiss and tell. What about DiMaggio? Did he hit it as well as he hit it? “Murder,” she said again. Maybe a few dudes told her she was funny during her life, but I really don’t get it. At this point, she had the audacity to start getting frustrated with me. “Murder,” she said again, as well as “exhume,” “needle,” and “toenail.” It might seem redundant to say that a ghost was being creepy, but man, she was into some freaky shit.

I was pretty done with her by then, but she wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote down the name and location of a bank and a series of numbers. I have no idea what it means — probably just the ramblings of a tortured soul — but at least it made her go away. Honestly, what a needy bitch.

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5 Comments
  1. You need to do your research because she didn’t commit suicide you should have listened honestly who gives a fuck about her makeup n how the sex was with people who are now dead… Like this has to be a joke this whole article because during her autopsy report barbiturates were not found in her intestinal lining meaning she didn’t OD either the mob or JFK secretly sent someone in and injected her she was murdered… like damn put one and one together and have some respect for the dead lady n ur a mom?? Man if my kids were to talk about deceased like that lol like stay away from my funeral

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