bunnyears

…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
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…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…

We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie

We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We would describe the Manaus as “one canopy level below palatable.” It may not taste great, but don’t worry, it’s very expensive. So how could it not be good for you? The Manaus, which costs $50 a pop, contains a proprietary blend of unrealistically high expectations created by the price point and also some mint. We love a good cleanse, and the Manaus delivers. “This smoothie is like a pilates class for your guts,” said Bile head chef Blarnche Su. “It’s more physically demanding than people expect.” He gracious provided us a recipe for their botanical monstrosity.

It seems simple enough. Our smoothie starts with a color-neutral base of pineapple sherbet to which the aforementioned mint and poison dart frog venom is added, plus a dash of sloth-grown algae—that is, the tiny plants that grow on sloths because they move so slowly. (So cute!) However, we quickly ran into a problem with procuring some of these ingredients. After bailing out our intern for breaking and entering (it turns out the zoo is very serious about this kind of thing), we abandoned the Bile list and decided to wing it.

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We kept the pineapple sherbet, of course—yum A.F.—but instead of the exotic ingredients, we added banana and good old-fashioned American currency. The $50 green smoothie at Bile has mint in it, and so does ours—U.S. mint! (Would you believe it? Our mint guy is out of town.) We find that a combination of two $20 bills, one $5 bill, and five $1 bills produces a smoothie that our intern described in a taste test as “containing more money than [his] stipend.” (Don’t worry, we do feed him—for instance, this fiber-rich smoothie!) You can use any amount of currency that suits your particular tastes and fiber needs. The important thing is the hedonism of throwing money down the toilet, literally and eventually figuratively. No coins, please!

(Before we go any further, please note that it’s illegal to destroy American currency, including by drinking it. We try to steer clear of destroying small bills and tend to focus more on entire economies through mortgage-backed securities and credit default swaps, but you can’t blend those things into a smoothie.)

Without further ado, here’s the official Bunny Ears smoothie recipe:

  • 1 cup pineapple sherbet
  • 1 ½ frozen bananas
  • $50 paper U.S. currency (we’re really serious about the no coins thing)

Instructions: Add ingredients to blender. Watch the bills being ripped to shreds, and feel the decadence seep into your bones. Laugh maniacally. Someone could have bought groceries with those!

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Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels

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