Hot Piles of Garbage: Bunny Ears Staffers Describe Their Morning Routines

Today’s morning routine: ELLA GALE

Here at Bunny Ears, we’ve loved working with this Los Angeles based “comedian” and freelance writer. She has walloped us with her passion for everything from corsetry to green juice. Ella Gale lives in Hollywood (heard of it?) with a mounted deer skull named Buckminster Skuller and whichever of her house plants are currently alive. We visited her in her studio apartment to take a look at her morning routine, and we’re glad we took a Lyft, because parking really seemed like a nightmare. Let’s hear what Ella has to say about her morning rituals:

SOMETIME BETWEEN 9:00 AM AND, LET’S BE REAL, 11:00 AM:

As a freelancer, my schedule allows me the flexibility to destroy my well being on my own terms. If I wake up after 10 AM I usually think “well, the day’s gone anyway” and try to go back to sleep. On the other hand, if I wake up BEFORE 10 AM, I spend an hour scrolling through Instagram thinking about how much better everyone else’s lives are than mine. Then, after 10 AM rolls around, I think “well, the day’s gone anyway” and I try to go back to sleep.

10:59 AM:

“Should I go to the gym?” It’s nice to spend time in the morning in earnest contemplation. I really should go, because I’m spending a lot of money on the membership. And it would probably help my posture. I don’t know much about ergonomics, but I’m pretty sure my back muscles are deteriorating because of the amount of time I spend working from bed in a position I would describe as either a “flesh pile” or a “meat slump.” Honestly, doing ANYTHING active would help. A lot.

11:00 AM:

I decide to go to the gym tomorrow. I’ll definitely go. I just thought it, and nothing is keeping me from doing it! Tomorrow.

11:01 AM

I put on my one outfit that sits at the center of the Venn Diagram between “extremely comfortable” and “I would feel okay going outside in this as long as I don’t see anyone I know.” Man, I really should wash these joggers more often.

11:02 AM:

I make an enormous pot of coffee, which I drink until I have stripped every last protective lining off my stomach. The most important part of being a writer is to get at the raw, unfiltered meat of existence and your stomach.

11:04-11:15 AM

I reserve these 11 minutes for actual work. I mean, I do check twitter from time to time to see if that thing that went viral last week is getting any traction. I also pee a lot because of how much coffee I drink. I ALSO spend a lot of time moving back and forth between my sofa and bed, because it’s nice to change up the portion of my studio apartment I’m staring at.

11:15 AM:

I start thinking about lunch. Does it count as lunch if I haven’t had breakfast? Maybe I’ll go to Smart & Final to get a bag of kale, and then really massage it with some olive oil. I could add sunflower seeds, pickled red onions, chevre, and roast chicken breast. That would be healthy and sustaining. And I love chicken. Mmm, chicken.

11:16 AM

I walk across the street and get two fried chicken sliders from Dave’s Hot Chicken.

11:22 AM

Back at home, I eat the fried chicken sliders off my chest while watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Lorelai is stuck in a perpetual adolescence. Just like me! Except I’m totally alone!

11:24 AM

I take off the shirt I have spilled chicken-scented mayo on. I should really stop eating sliders off my favorite shirt. But then again, do I really want to be the person whose morning routine is eating sliders shirtless? (These are the only two options I can think of.) I guess eating shirtless is better than being a person who has to do laundry EVERY TWO WEEKS like some kind of goddamn Martha Stewart.

11:26 AM

I have decided that the sliders counted as breakfast, and now it’s time to start thinking about lunch. I’ll definitely go to the grocery store this time. Even if my burrito truck that makes perfect $5 chorizo burritos is on the way. Also I could use another pot of coffee.