Introducing Triple H2O: Your New Favorite Beverage

June 22, 2019 by , featured in Health
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Did you know that, aside from being a champion wrestler, Triple H is also an astute businessman? He founded NXT and rose through the executive ranks of the WWE, and now, he’s partnering with Bunny Ears to bring you a line of exclusive upscale beverages. Take a look through our catalog and see what Triple H2O has to offer!

Puddle Water

When Triple H needs some extra grit for those tough no holds barred matches, he reaches for his Triple H2O Puddle Water. This isn’t your daddy’s rain water. Each bottle is filled with the highest-quality minerals, rocks, mud, and pesticides that run off from the mean streets and manicured lawns of Greenwich, Connecticut. The thick brown coloring hides a surprise in every bottle. What will it be this time? Glass? The bones of a mouse fetus? Intestinal parasites? It doesn’t matter. If you can down a bottle of Puddle Water, you can survive anything. *DISCONTINUED PRODUCT*

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’80s Water

h2o

Feeling nostalgic for the days before cell phones, Instagram, and a raging Internet culture of pipsqueaks talking trash through a keyboard? Reach out and grab Triple H2O ’80s Water, and you’ll be punching and chucking those pencil-necked nerds all over the roadhouse, Swayze-style. Each bottle is a thirst-quenching blend of Budweiser backwash, well whiskey, piss, an unknown amount of dissolved Texan speed, and our designer water, spit out of the mouth of the Cerebral Assassin himself. Take a swig and start a bar fight. (WARNING: Side effects may include a desire to wear acid-washed denim, mullet growth, and diarrhea.)

Inheritance Water

Passed down from generation to generation of Helmsleys, the pedigree and taste of Triple H2O Inheritance Water is truly fit for a king of kings. Composed of the precious bodily fluids of Triple H’s ancestors, Inheritance Water is a delicacy for only the truly sophisticated. The high sodium content brings out the natural flavor of privilege, quenching any thirst you might have to share a sip, and it only costs one bitcoin per bottle.

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Champion Leather Water

triple h

For those with a taste for gold, Triple H2O Champion Leather Water gives you all the hydration of regular water with a hint of authentic title belt leather worn by every WWE champion of the past 40 years. Each refreshing bottle consists of high-quality H2O hand-rung from the actual leather straps of your favorite WWE belts, such as the Intercontinental Title and U.S. Titles, with final distillation through the WWE Championship. When paired with a leather jacket or chaps, Champion Leather Water all but guarantees you’ll be a winner after every swallow.

Images: World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.


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