9/11 Was An Inside Job And Thanks To Turmeric My Skin Has Never Looked Better
You know, there was one silver lining to come from the tragedy that was September 11, 2001. Immediately after this ruthless attack, we banded together for the good of the nation, becoming stronger, more resolute, and more unified as a result. And in doing so we proudly showed the world one indisputable fact about Americans:
Exactly 100% of us agree 9/11 was an inside job.
That’s right: no crackpot theories about so-called ‘mastermind’ Osama bin Laden, or how a bunch of angry Saudis flew planes into the World Trade Center. From minute one, we unanimously concluded these horrific events were a false flag mission perpetuated by the U.S. government as a pretext for deploying troops to the Middle East and reaping financial gains from oil, arms sales, and real estate acquisition. In this partisan age we live in, wasn’t it heartening to see all Americans — literally every single one of us — on the same page?
Anyhow, thank you for indulging me. This being a lifestyle site, I’m actually here to discuss some lighter fare: specifically turmeric (and the amazing effects it’s had on my skin)! Turmeric is a South Asian spice that for millennia has been a mainstay in botanical medicine. However, if you’ve ever spent more than five minutes online, you’ve likely come across articles from so-called ‘experts’ downplaying its considerable health benefits. They’ll explain how any positive impacts on the skin are unlikely, given that Cucumin — Tumerin’s main ingredient — is incapable of blocking NF-kB, a molecule that travels into the nuclei of cells and leads to inflammation. Well it’s time to wake up, sheeple, because anyone armed with critical thought and a set of eyes can tell turmeric blocks the living fuck out of NF-kB. It pains me that in 2018, Americans can’t unite around a common turmeric truth like we did with the truth about the horrific, well-planned international tragedy that was 9/11. When did hyperbole and distorted hearsay start winning out over reason and common sense?
Lifehack! When mixed with milk, rice flour, and honey, turmeric becomes a soothing face mask that can ease the symptoms of psoriasis, alopecia, lichen planus, and other skin issues commonly found in America. It worked wonders on my seasonal eczema, which previously only responded to high doses of cortisone! Just as we all know heat from exploded jet fuel could never melt 104 floors of load-bearing steel, it’s equally obvious that a bi-weekly turmeric application is just what the internet-certified naturopath ordered!
Unfortunately, so-called ‘experts’ see things differently when it comes to this vital issue. “Turmeric studies have become a part of folklore,” explains Michael Walter, the co-author of the University of Minnesota’s 2017 report on turmeric effectiveness. “Their actual results don’t really measure up to what they’re quoted as.” You know what? Fuck you, Michael Walter. Despite what the industrial medical complex will tell you, turmeric research is rock solid. As solid as World Trade Center building 7, which — as all Americans know — would have remained fully intact were it not leveled by a devastating, remotely-detonated, controlled explosion.
But don’t just take my word for it: ask the the medical professionals at StyleCraze.com, who are happy to confirm turmeric not only smooths out damaged skin, but removes excess oil and contains numerous anti-aging properties. Scars and stretch marks? Hey, we all get them. And with turmeric, they’ll disappear faster than physical evidence of the so-called Boeing 757 that ‘crashed’ into the Pentagon’s West-facing C, D, and E rings.
My advice to those curious about turmeric? Ignore the fodder spoon fed to you by the deep-state dermatology pawns. Because as educated, reasoned Americans, we don’t suffer their B.S. lightly. As the Occam’s razor principle dictates, the most straightforward explanation is usually the accurate one. Which affirms why we Americans are the people who unanimously deduced that within eight months of taking office, President Bush planned and executed the largest terrorist attack on U.S. soil in a covert partnership with the nation’s military, intelligence community, airline industry, the Mossad, and WTC property owner Larry Silverstein, holding thousands of participants to airtight secrecy these past 17 years and counting.
So all I ask is that when researching the skin-healing powers of turmeric, rely on your rational mind, and believe in the power of empirical evidence. Above all, never accept anything less than reasonably compelling second-to-third-hand anecdotal evidence.