Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
We get it: The last thing you want is more marriage advice from us. Following our marriage advice is what got you here in the first place. But trust us, we know how to fix this. We can make things right again if you just listen to us and blindly do what we tell you. What have you got to lose? I mean, in addition to what you’ve lost already.
Communicate Openly With Your Spouse
The most important part of a relationship is honest and open communication—just not the way we told you to be honest and open. Hold some things back, but let other things out. We know that’s kind of vague advice, but the last time we were specific, you ended up throwing your wedding ring into four lanes of oncoming traffic. Forgive us for wanting to play it safe here.
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us, but you should have known not to take that advice, so it’s on you, too. If you really want to make this marriage work, you’re going to have to break things off with Rodrigo. Yes, we know about his rock-hard abs. Yes, we know Rodrigo can ride you like a dime store pony for hours. But if you wanted to leave your spouse for your Latin lover, you wouldn’t be reading this article. You’d be reading How to Leave Your Spouse for Your Latin Lover, Rodrigo.
Spice Things Up In The Bedroom
Alright, we know we recommended that you do some pretty abnormal (and possibly illegal) sex stuff and it weirded out your spouse. We should have stressed the importance of balance. Go crazy with your sex life, but not so crazy it drives the other person further away. Do what we said, but don’t. Got it?
Yes, this contradicts the advice we gave you to reinvent yourself, but that didn’t work out, did it? Your marriage was going fine before we gave you advice, so it’s probably our fault. We know we broke something, but we don’t know how to fix it. Maybe do the exact opposite of what we told you before? Seems simple. Might work.
Don’t Play Games
All we know are games. We gave you a full article on how to play them, but the only thing we can tell you about not doing them is the general sentiment that you shouldn’t. Maybe see what Oprah has to say about it? Admittedly, we’re shit at this. I’ve personally been divorced twice and have no intention of ever getting married again. Relationships are bullshit. Don’t listen to me.
Ignore All Of This Advice
It hasn’t worked out well for you when you’ve listened to us. Why would you do it again? If you take just one word of our advice, we hope it’s this one: don’t.
If this article ends up making things enormously worse, just like it did the last time you followed our advice, you can always check out our divorce advice. We promise we’re better with breakups.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…