Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine
Sure. Just google what’s in ras el hanout and blend together whatever shit you have in your spice rack.
Ways To Accommodate The Tree Nut Allergy You Chose to Have
If you get halfway through a cookie and find out it has pistachios, you can go ahead and finish it if the cookie is really good.
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant
Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”
European Cities That Won’t Stretch Your Comfort Zone As A Whitey
Your vacation won’t be relaxing if you have to scream, “I want water! Water. WATER. WAAAT-ERR!” every time you’re thirsty.
You Can Now Use Face/Off Technology To Explore Your Mommy Issues
I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
The Hottest Mid-Post-Winter-Pre-Spring Trends: 2019 Edition
Think about a heavy coat and also goggles.
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
The Most Romantic, Out-Of-The-Way Chain Restaurants for Having Your Affair
Nothing says, “I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to lose my marriage” like vaguely-Asian pot stickers.
I Gave Up Everything To Live In A Tiny House In My Mom’s Basement
It feels good to unplug from society. It’s almost like Walden Pond, because Henry David Thoreau also had his mom nearby to help him out if he ever needed anything, like the password for the wifi.
Help Us Honor These Male Feminists During Women’s History Month
Where would gender equality be if Jacobson didn’t have the strength to write social media posts and that one Medium article? We’d probably lose the right to vote, that’s where!
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
Signs Your Time-Traveling Husband Has A Second Family In 1886
It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him.
Ways To Cope When You Discover Your S.O. Has A Job, Not A Trust Fund
That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.
Is Non-Consensual Non-Monogamy Right for You?
You’re not cheating. You’re simply engaging in sexual acts with people outside your marriage without telling your partner about it. And that’s different. There’s a different label on it. And a book. And a website. So it’s fine.
Narcissistic Parenting Is Bad for My Child, But What About Me?
Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?
The Best Anti-Aging Secret Is Still A Portrait That Grows Old For You
You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!
You Can Only See This $4300 Invisible Dress if You’re Truly Chic
We would publish photos of the dress, but those unfitting of the dress won’t be able to see it, feel jealous, and then report us for posting images of naked women. Please don’t hate us because our eyes can see a fabric that represents the epitome of haute couture!
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To New Orleans
New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?
Yes, My Child is a Rescue. It’s The Humane Thing To Do
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Build Wealth Even If Your Business Manager Won’t Suck A Dick For You
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…