How To Not Take It Personally When Your Kidnapper Releases You
So, you were kidnapped for a hefty ransom. Whether your kidnapper releases you after your parents finally gave in to his financial demands, or he just realized your life wasn’t worth as much as he thought it was, your days of sitting in an abandoned warehouse while tied to a chair have come to an end.
After your tearful reunion with your family, it’s only natural to feel undesirable … like something about your nature as a person compelled him to let you go, like you’re worthless even. You shared a bond with the person who held you hostage and now it’s just … Done. Here’s how to come to terms with the fact that the felon who abducted you doesn’t seem to want you anymore.
Think Of Your Kidnapping As A Business Transaction
The man whose name you never learned and face you never saw might have kidnapped you to pay off a hefty debt. Or he may have kidnapped you to fund a terrorist organization. Or he may have kidnapped you to get revenge on your family. Whatever his initial reason, it had nothing to do with you in the first place. The hefty bounty placed on your head was likely purely for financial reasons. The sooner you think of your kidnapper as a worker doing a job in exchange for money (like, say, a shoe salesman)–the sooner you’ll come to terms with your release.
Know That Stockholm Syndrome Only Goes One Way
It feels like you shared a connection with the man holding you hostage—a bond. But know that Stockholm syndrome only affects the kidnappee, and not the kidnapper. Your kidnapper isn’t going to fall in love with you and let you join him in his life of crime. That only happens in movies and to Patty Hearst.
Remember, He Didn’t Kill You
And he could have. Many times. Hearing, “Please let me go, Mister. I’m so scared!” for a week straight gets old fast. Don’t believe us? You try kidnapping someone. In order for him to keep you alive (or not sell you into a life of sex trafficking), you must be more valuable alive than dead to him. That should count for something.
He’ll Always Have Your Ear
Your kidnapper cut off your ear to send to your family as a threat, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to send it. You’ve been tearfully reunited with your family and are now re-learning how to be part of society, but that masked man you grew emotionally attached to will always have your ear, and that should count for something!
Stay strong, and take solace in knowing there are other kidnappers out there and this can happen to you again.