I Don’t Think I Want Bray Wyatt To Be My Son’s Godfather Anymore

My wife and I have been planning my son’s baptism for weeks now, and everything was going so well (the church was available on a weekend when my wife’s parents could fly in from Colorado!). Then, my good friend Bray Wyatt became an insane maniac known as “The Fiend” and honestly I don’t know if I want him to be the godfather anymore.

I asked Bray to be my son’s godfather month’s ago, and he seemed really into the idea. And I felt good knowing that if, God forbid, anything happened to me and my wife, our son would be well taken care of.

Yowie Wowie!

Then SummerSlam happened and Bray came out wearing a bloody clown mask carrying a lantern of his own decapitated head with light pouring out the mouth and stitched up eyes, and I just had to say, “Is this whole godfather thing still a great idea?”

I went to my pastor, Pastor Gary, for advice. He said that the most important role a godfather will play in a child’s life is instilling faith in the Lord. But I don’t even know if Bray even believes in God anymore! At this point, I think he believes in a doll that … used to be his sister? That’s not ideal for a godfather.

Also, Bray is definitely a murderer now. Like, without question. He snapped Finn Bálor’s neck at SummerSlam! What’s going to happen if something happens to me and my wife? Is he going to snap my son’s neck? He’s just a boy!

Let Him In …

Of course, my wife couldn’t pass up the opportunity to remind me that she wanted her brother Rodney to be godfather, but I pushed for Bray Wyatt. I thought it’d be nice to have a godfather who’d be really involved in our son’s life, what with Rodney living in Colorado and all. Meanwhile, Bray has been lurking in our home for years, appearing when we least expect him in closets and in the cellar after the lights go out.

Anywho, my wife says I just have to accept that Bray will be the godfather. I made my bed, and now, I have to let him in. I can’t imagine how the ceremony’s going to go. How am I supposed to explain to Pastor Gary that my son’s godfather is walking up to the altar upside down like a crab? We are a very traditional congregation—no one is used to men walking like that.

And so help me god if Bray gives us a lantern of my son’s face with light pouring out the mouth and stitched up eyes. My coworkers already got us one of those!

Images: Wikimedia/NxcoooStardust, Pexels