Bray Wyatt Reviews Kitchen Appliances

I bring messages from beyond for all my followers. My fires are blazing hot with the smell of burning flesh. While I prepare the sustenance needed to fulfill my destiny, I find that certain tools, certain instruments, help to eviscerate the bounty of this earth. Brothers and Sisters! Behold! Bray Wyatt reviews the top kitchen appliances for the cult leader on the go!

Instant Pot

The ubiquitousness of the Instant Pot does not escape my knowledge, But there is nothing, NOTHING, like the Instant Pot for creating enough food to feed the Wyatt family so fast that the maggots can’t even get their shoes on. Pressure can create great wealth out of dirt and the instant pot can create perfectly moist quinoa and chicken dishes that can satisfy even the most gluttonous incubus. A must have for any kitchen!

2-in-1 Oil and Vinegar Mixer

We all know that there is a righteous path and an evil path for lunch. The righteous path is salad, but the righteous path can be obfuscated by too many bottles for your oil and for your vinegar. This nefarious device combines the smooth wash of oil, with the tart bite of the vinegar all with a single button. Having this around makes the eater of worlds an eater of salads!

Vegetable Spiralizer

Many enemies have fallen to my fist in my time on this Earth. Few antagonists are as insidious as my craving for pasta when I’m trying to maintain a keto diet. To fight this craving I have conjured an ally of near infinite power: Vegetables that look like noodles! Carbs be gone!

Salad Spinner

I ABHOR WET LETTUCE! I DESPISE PESTICIDES! SPIN AWAY THE SIN!

Robotic Jar Opener

The earliest piece of technology was fire. When early man worshiped fire, they felt the warmth of GOD. What was once a technological spark, became an all-consuming flame of innovation burning our humanity like trees in a forest. Now we are consumed by devices of our own creation. Automatons that separate us from each other until we are alone. Abandoned. Despondent. No longer feeling the warmth of a fire, but the cold glow of a screen. The promise of technology … broken. All that said, this robot jar opener is super cool!

When the darkness corners the light in the end times, remember these kitchen appliance reviews by me, Bray Wyatt, and follow my kitchen tips for salvation … but if the Eater of Worlds comes beckoning for a tastier soul to devour, you’ll have to wait for my cookbook.

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