Signs Your Time-Traveling Husband Has A Second Family In 1886
It’s difficult to love a time-traveler. Your spouse is always disappearing at random times and during important moments, only to come back with a look of despair you can’t even pretend to understand. It’s even more difficult when the time-traveling husband you married becomes secretive about where he goes and what he does.
There’s no way to know if your spouse is being faithful on each and every trip back to the past, but inter-dimensional relationship expert Madeline Rosen tells us there are a few warning signs your husband might have a secret wife and two knickerbocker-clad children waiting for him every time he becomes unstuck in time. “Just because the clock runs backward for your husband doesn’t mean it has to run backward for your marriage,” says Rosen.
Here’s how to tell if your husband is harboring a second family in an era you’ll never be able to reach.
He Starts Spending More Time In The Past
“Time-traveling cheaters find ways to make themselves distant, both emotionally and physically,” says Rosen. Your spouse could be lying to you when he says he can’t control when or where he goes. He might be more capable of ending up in a specific time than he lets on.
He Writes More Letters But Won’t Say To Whom (Or Where)
It’s a bad sign if your husband is suddenly secretive about his letter-writing, making vague excuses when he disappears into your modern indoor bathroom with a piece of parchment and a fountain pen. “If your husband is being faithful, he should be able to answer the question ‘Who are you writing to and at what time do they live?’ directly,” says Rosen. “‘I’m writing to Phineas J. McFadden, industrial-era train conductor’ should be his reply, not ‘You know … people … past people … who live in the past …'”
He Tells You About His “Friend’s” Second Family In 1886
If your time-traveling husband starts talking about his “friend” who “fell through a wormhole” and married a woman in 1886 even though he’s married in 2019, he might actually be talking about himself. “He’s trying to feel out what you think about the situation,” says Rosen. “Would you be okay with a dual-family, dual-time arrangement? Or would you leave him in favor of someone who doesn’t time jump?” Most people cannot time travel, so it’s unlikely that he knows another person who has the ability to bend the space-time continuum.
When He’s Transported Back To Our Time, It Seems Like He’s In The Middle Of Sex
It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him. He might say that he looks flushed because he contracted “consumption” when he was on one of his time journeys, but it’s more likely his worked-up appearance is due to the fact that he was pumping away at his past-mistress. “It’s the closest thing to catching him in the act that a time traveler’s wife is going to get,” Rosen says.
He Accuses You Of Having A Second Family In 1886
Watch out if your partner is suddenly accusatory, even though he knows that you don’t and physically can’t time travel. According to Rosen, “oftentimes, we transfer blame to others when we, ourselves, are doing something wrong.” In this case, the thing he’s doing wrong is altering the time-space continuum by taking up a life with a women’s suffragette.
If your partner displays any of these signs, it’s time to start working on a time machine so you can travel back to 1886 and confront him properly. Because of your time-traveling husband’s actions, you could lose your marriage, and women could lose the right to vote in our current era.