The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along
Thank you for purchasing Bunny Ears Personal Power Booster Vitamin Pack (TM) nutritional supplements. We told you our vitamins were specifically formulated to stimulate the thyroid gland and metabolism, and after following our 60-day program, you’ve probably felt an increase in energy and a stronger immune system, just like we promised.
It’s Because We Have A Secret…
But here’s the twist, dear reader. Our supplements didn’t work because they contain organic matcha powder. In fact, they don’t contain anything but some lint we collected from our staff’s belly buttons and a dash of asbestos. Our supplements worked because you believed they did. The power to have clearer skin and a well-balanced gut lived inside you all along. You just needed the supplements to make you feel like you could have clearer skin and a well-balanced gut. Isn’t that magical?
In the spirit of full disclosure, we confess that we came up with our “unique proprietary blend of Ayurvedic herbs, phytonutrients, and vitality-boosting vitamins” by throwing darts at a list of health and wellness words. There was no chaga mushroom. And there was no ashwaganda. There was just Vitamin You, the most powerful vitamin of them all. The vitamins you took? They’re just dust in a capsule. The liquid you had to drink each morning on an empty stomach? That was just colored water. The only thing we actually gave you was the confidence to stop your heart palpitations. You’re welcome for that. No extra charge (although you’re welcome to give us money for it at any time).
Don’t Get Mad!
Before you sue us for fraud, just think of the valuable lesson we’ve taught you: You can be as healthy as you want as long as you believe you’re healthy. That’s not fraud. Our lawyer said it’s not. You know now that you can rid your body of heavy metals just by wishing them gone, and isn’t that worth the $499.99 we charged you for a 12-day supply plus four more boxes because the program is for 60 days, which means you need to buy five?
Swallowing prebiotics might balance the microflora in your gut, but it’s not going to make you feel like you can balance the microflora in your gut without taking prebiotics (but only after spending 60 days thinking you were ingesting prebiotics). Only our Personal Power Booster Vitamin Pack (TM) will do that for you. Melatonin might restore your sleep cycle, but we’re restoring your “faith in yourself cycle” (also TM).
So hop on over to our Bunny Ears store, where we’re running a sale on the magic nutritional supplements you’ve already purchased, taken, and got results from. A 12-day supply can be yours for the discounted prince of $499.98 (but keep in mind that you do need to purchase five for the 60-day program). Keep the magic alive!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…