Rustic Mason Jars for Pickling Your Feelings
People have been preserving through pickling for centuries—both their food and any and all unwanted emotions. It’s a great way to compartmentalize all the things you don’t want to deal with until the pressure gets too bad and finally explodes. So in the spirit of repression-in-style, we tried out some rustic mason jars and compiled a list of the best ones to help you not feel the hurt anymore. At least through the winter!
1. Smooth-Sided, Clear Glass Mason Jar
Mason jars aren’t just for drinking high end cocktails from anymore! You can also use them to store things. Like beets. Or the deep, deep sadness you feel inside. Or the deep, deep sadness you feel inside pressed up against some beets. Those beets are going to make a nice little snack the next time you decide to eat your feelings.
2. Wide-Mouth Quart Mason Jar
The wide mouth on this jar makes it easier to fit all of your feelings inside—and God knows you have a lot of them. Like anger over your bastard husband “working late” again. That can go in there. Or the imposter syndrome you feel at work. That can go in there, too. And the resentment that your kids are getting a better life than you? Yup! Even that will fit inside! There’s no limit to this jar’s ability to preserve your emotional anguish.
3. Mason Jar with Clamp-On Lids
The clamp-on lid might seem unstable, just like your emotional state. But trust us, that metal clamp provides just enough strength to contain how much you want to call Sharon a filthy brown-noser when she shoots down your ideas at the PTA meeting. Just make sure you seal it properly so you don’t end up cussing out Sharon in front of half the school, then crying in a tiny, plastic chair meant for a small child.
4. Colored Canning Jar
Certain jars are better for freezing your feelings. Certain jars are better for canning your feelings. This jar is best for fermenting your feelings as they slowly break down to a point where they’re not even the same feelings that you put in any more. Maybe the feeling went in angry, and now it’s just sad. Or maybe it went in sad, and now it’s angry. The possibilities are endless! (But most likely sad or angry).
As a caution, when fermentation takes place, there’s always some risk of spoilage. But then again, your husband already spoiled your marriage, didn’t he?
5. A Mason Jar Value Pack
Let’s face it. You have a whole range of uncontrollable emotions, and one measly little mason jar isn’t going to be enough. That’s why we’re recommending you buy in bulk. This value pack of 12 mason jars should be enough to last you through the winter—or at least until you find your soon-to-be ex-husband’s mistress’s panties lying on your bathroom floor.
Remember to store these mason jars filled with your feelings in a cool, dark place. For more precise bottling and pickling of your emotional state, a canning funnel is recommended.