How To Discipline Your Stepson When You Were Both Class Of 2014
Nobody said a May-December marriage would be easy, especially if your new spouse has a son who’s technically older than you. Even though you were in the same grade, his birthday is three months before yours, and that’s enough of an age difference to make him act like a jerk to you.
Now that you’re a mother to someone it’s physically impossible for you to have birthed without the aid of time travel, you need to present yourself an authority figure. Here’s how to assert yourself as a parent to someone you stood in line behind at your high school graduation.
Don’t Assume a Position of Authority Right Away
If you come on too strong when you discipline your stepson, you’re going to hear things like “You’re not my real mom!” and “Our yearbook even says your future plans were to ‘marry rich and do nothing!'” Take a step back, and be the chill stepmom. I normally let my stepson’s real mother or my husband’s second wife discipline him if he does something wrong, like telling people in our circle of friends that I’m some “bullshit gold digger.”
Don’t Take His Criticism Personally
Your stepson isn’t upset that his father married you. Your stepson is generally upset his father married someone born during Clinton’s second term. My husband’s son has said things to me like “If I’d have known you’d marry my dad, I never would have invited you over to my house to study for the S.A.T. You should be ashamed of yourself, Monikka.” But I know that he doesn’t mean me specifically. He’d say those same things to anyone his father married.
Focus On Building A Relationship With Your Stepson
Spend some quality time with your stepson. When I realized I was going to be Tyler’s new stepmom, I invited him on a weekend trip, which kind of got squashed because he wouldn’t rent us a car, and he’s the only one of us who’s actually old enough to do it. He didn’t want to because he “didn’t like” that his dad is “boning someone who’s not old enough to drive.” For the record, I can drive. I’m just not legally old enough to rent a car in most states.
Realize He Didn’t Choose You As A Mother
When I got married to Pierce, my new stepson actively tried to sabotage our relationship. He told Pierce that I slept with our Algebra II teacher (which is true but beside the point). Once I realized that Tyler didn’t want me to raise him because he was already raised, though, our relationship began to smooth out and I had more time to focus on my other motherly duties, like telling my friends “Can you believe I have a stepson in college already? How am I old enough for that!”
Being a stepmom is tough, but it can also be rewarding, like when your stepson begrudgingly says you can ride with him to your five-year high school reunion.