Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To Las Vegas

Las Vegas is a city that was founded after gangsters from Chicago migrated westward, passed through the Nevada dessert, and mistakenly believed a mirage of water was the California coast, and it continues to confuse people to this day. Lucky for you, our dear leader, Macaulay Culkin, has shared with us his insider guide to seeing the best of Las Vegas without going broke or getting human trafficked.

Cirque du Soleil: O Dressing Room

The dressing room at Cirque du Soleil show is the hottest show in town! If you’re lucky enough to be able to sneak backstage, you’ll have a front row ticket to all the drama. Bunny Ears Exclusive Tip: Glenn was hooking up with Dominique but slept with Marcos after Tuesday’s matinee, and Tatiana sabotaged Candice by stealing all her glitter.

Celebrity Chef David Chang’s Momofuku At The Cosmopolitan

This Momofuku location is like Graceland for Ugly Delicious fans. Parts of episode three were actually filmed in one of the actual booths, possibly one of the most significant things to ever be filmed in Vegas. We know which one, but we won’t tell you. We won’t even give you a hint. Plus, we’ve paid all the waiters not to tell you. That would take the fun away from figuring it out yourself.

The Luxor Hotel

This 30-story, pyramid-shaped hotel and casino is, in a word, massive. Once you enter, you’ll become lost in its labyrinth, unable to find our way out. Eventually, you’ll become entombed there, just like a Pharaoh. Casinos were designed to never let you leave. Like, really never let you leave.

The Neon Museum

The Neon Museums feels like a graveyard for the city’s iconic flashy signs, which makes it a perfect actual graveyard when you find yourself with a dead hooker on your hands. The museum houses signs dating back to the 1930s, next to which you can dig your hole.

Mandalay Bay

If you want to protest Trump’s presidency but you’re confused about which building is actually his, why not mistakenly end up at Mandalay Bay? From Mandalay Bay’s glistening golden windows to its towering facade, you won’t be able to tell the difference until you start looking for the “Trump” at the top of the building. When you finally figure out you’re at the wrong place, you don’t need to walk all the way to the other side of the strip to tell an American president to fuck off—just pop by the Delano next door to let the world know F.D.R. can suck it.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Yusuke Toyoda, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels

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