I Marked My Husband With My Urine. Here’s Why
When you’re in love, you want to show the whole world how much you care for your partner. So when I got married to my husband, I felt that a traditional wedding ring wouldn’t be enough to express my feelings for him. That’s why I marked him with my urine.
Just like a cat tells the world they own a specific space by spraying it, I doused my spouse with my essence. At first, he protested, arguing that something that works for a cat is “completely impractical and unsanitary” for a human. But I strongly feel that we can learn a lot from the animal kingdom if we just listen. Plus, I really wanted to soak him in my pee.
Hear me out, okay?
When I tell people that I pee on my husband, and that’s why he reeks of the pungent odor of fermenting urine at all times, they automatically think it’s because of a sex thing. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There was nothing sexual about it (although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get off on it). Now that he’s been marked with my personal brand, I feel more secure in our marriage. I know that he’ll stay faithful to me—either out of love, or immense shame and embarrassment. Plus, I don’t have to worry about other women hitting on him, because he smells like pee-pee.
Still not convinced?
For those of you who think this is weird, let me ask you a question: Is giving your husband a golden shower as an act of territoriality any weirder than getting a couples’ tattoo? Unlike tattoo ink, urine is completely natural and organic. Everything except the first few drops is sterile, so that actually makes micturating on your spouse more sanitary than wearing a traditional wedding band, which can attract germs. I don’t want ring-germs all over my spouse! My whizz is totally fine, though.
It honestly feels amazing to get in touch with my primal side. It’s so liberating—for both myself and all of the bathroom stored up inside me. I suggest all couples try it. And if the thought of taking a leak on your partner repulses you, then maybe you’re just not in love enough.
Any successful marriage requires upkeep. Which means I need to keep on spraying my husband on a bi-weekly basis, no matter how much he insists it’s not necessary to mark him with urine or politely says “I don’t like this. Please stop.” But I love him far too much for that. Plus it’s hot AF and I can’t get off from regular stuff anymore.