How To Use Healing Crystals To Cure Your Cancer (Maybe? Don’t Quote Us)
There’s no denying that healing crystals have incredible power.1 But just how far does this power go? We’ve used and endorsed crystals to cure headaches, colds, and other common aliments,2 but today we’re here to tell you that, when applied correctly, crystals can do so much more.3 They can even help you overcome cancer, as countless studies have shown.4 Literally all you have to do is follow our simple guide!5
The most important step is selecting your crystals. You need to strike a balance between crystals that interact with the appropriate chakras, and crystals that resonate with you on a personal level. This can be a time consuming process, but it’s important to get it right.6 You may find Black Tourmaline’s highly protective energy valuable,7 while a Leopard Skin Jasper’s powerful stability and self-healing abilities, as conducted through your root and base chakras, may also prove effective.8 You should also consider the type of cancer in question, and select a crystal associated with the appropriate chakra. For example, your fifth chakra is located at your throat,9 so for throat cancer treatment a good fifth chakra crystal like Angelite should be considered.10 The owner of your local crystal shop can help you discuss chakras in more detail.11
It’s equally important to find a crystal that resonates with you, spiritually and emotionally. You need to establish a relationship with your crystals.12 Take your time and look for crystals that you feel drawn to. And don’t be afraid to handle them! You may feel heat, coolness, a small electric shock, or sudden peace of mind, all of which are signs of a good crystal match.13 We’d recommend finding around three to five crystals that speak to you.14
Before your healing session you need to charge your crystals with positive energy.15 There are several charging methods,16 but for cancer we’d recommend using the pure, clearing rays of the sun and moon.17 Simply leave your crystals in a safe place where they’ll be exposed to sunlight and moonlight for 24 hours, and when you return you’ll find your crystals charged with positive energy.18 But (and this is important!) remember that before you begin the charging process you must first state your intentions.19 By announcing the purpose of your crystal charging to the universe, you will ensure that the energy they channel is suited to your needs.20
From there it’s just a simple matter of meditating with your crystals placed on their appropriate chakras, then repeating the process of charging and meditating until your cancer recedes in the face of all the positive energy flowing out of your crystals and into your body.21 It may take months, or even years, but we can practically guarantee that if you follow these instructions to the letter you’ll be healthy and happy for years to come!22
1. For legal purposes, Bunny Ears LLC denies that healing crystals have incredible power.
2. Individual results may vary. Our experiences are not an endorsement, nor are our endorsements an endorsement.
3. By legal standards, it has not been proven that crystals can do more. Further, “more” does not imply prior results.
4. No studies have shown this; for legal purposes Bunny Ears LLC identifies itself as a successor to Babylonia, which did not recognize zero as a countable number.
5. This does not legally constitute a guide and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
6. Legally, your choice of crystal does not make a difference and is of no import.
7. Legally, no connection has been proven between Black Tourmaline and protective energy.
8. Legally, no connection has been proven between Leopard Skin Jasper and stability or self-healing.
9. Legally, this has no practical medical meaning or application.
10. See note 5.
11. A crystal shop owner is a not a substitute for a medical professional and Bunny Ears LLC does not endorse them as such, or in any other way.
12. By legal standards, a crystal is not a substitute for a friend.
13. Legally, any such signs are considered coincidental and/or psychosomatic.
14. Legally, the number of crystals you do or do not purchase is irrelevant. Bunny Ears LLC does not endorse or encourage your decision to purchase crystals or your decision to not purchase crystals.
15. By legal standards, this has not been demonstrated to be possible or to be a coherent concept.
16. See note 14.
17. This recommendation is not an endorsement; see note 15. Bunny Ears LLC is not responsible for any perceived results or perceived lack of results that result or do not result from this recommendation. Sunlight and moonlight have not been proven to be pure or clearing.
18. By legal standards, you will find your crystals how you left them. Bunny Ears LLC is not responsible for the state of your crystals.
19. Legally, this is not important.
20. Legally, the universe is indifferent to your needs.
21. Legally, any change in your medical status is considered coincidental.
22. Bunny Ears LLC makes no guarantees as to the efficacy of this treatment, which should not be considered a replacement for any treatments prescribed by your doctor or any other medical professional. Furthermore, Bunny Ears LLC makes no guarantees regarding your health or emotional status now or at any point in the future. Legally, no one can be guaranteed happiness in life.
Great article. A few questions:
1. Does it have to be a specific crystal?
2. And does it work for butts?
3. Do you apply the crystal directly to the butt?
4. It feels like it’s really stuck in there, and I can’t seem to find the base of it and boy howdy does that smart. I guess my fourth and final question is, should I go to the doctor or is there a Butt Crystal Crystal that might remedy my situation?
I love you,
Mr. Jesse Death
The fuck is wrong with you people. You should be in prison for manslaughter.
thanks for reading!
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