Why We Don’t Vaccinate Our Children From My Homemade Plague
What the real danger is here? A virus I specifically designed to kill 90% of the population, or the untested vaccine for it? I think you know my answer.
These Crystals Have The Same Names As Women I Cheated On Karen With
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
The Quest For The Crystal! An Interactive Wellness Adventure
Oh boy, I hope I get to lick a doorknob!
Protect Our Nation’s Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch
Thirty percent of the world’s area is covered in forest, yet miles and miles of trees are bulldozed every year to accommodate the agriculture industry, housing developments, and our favorite stationary products from Paper Source. Ugh, guilty! Their stuff is so cute! But not only does this destruction ruin natural animal habitats and increase the […]
Are Your Crystals Being Tested on Spirit Animals?
We shouldn’t let our thirst for power interfere with our compassion for our spiritual companions.
Charged Crystal Pipes For Clearing Your Mind With That 420 Dank Chronic
Healing crystals are the perfect synthesis of science and metaphysics. It’s only natural to want to add that to your extant self-care routine of getting blitzed on giggle greens all day. Fortunately for you, crystal pipes fuse the natural vibrational energy of quartz with the swift rush of that dank herb. Choosing Your Crystal Pipe […]
Our Vaginal Jade Eggs Hatched Into Vaginal Jade Birds and the Pain is Unimaginable
Last spring, Bunny Ears introduced the world to the tremendous healing energy of vaginal jade eggs. Our bunny holes are powerful incubators of life—so powerful that the jade eggs we stuck up there hatched into vaginal jade birds. Now, we are thrilled to stop screaming in agony long enough to describe the pain we are […]
How To Use Healing Crystals To Cure Your Cancer (Maybe? Don’t Quote Us)
There’s no denying that healing crystals have incredible power.1 But just how far does this power go? We’ve used and endorsed crystals to cure headaches, colds, and other common aliments,2 but today we’re here to tell you that, when applied correctly, crystals can do so much more.3 They can even help you overcome cancer, as […]
These Stories Are So Spiritually Inspirational That We Couldn’t Bring Ourselves To Fact Check Them
We all need a dose of inspiration now and then, and nothing helps us continue to live life to the fullest like epic inspirational stories of someone absolutely rocking their spiritual side. These particular stories inspired us so much that we couldn’t face it if we found out they weren’t true, so we didn’t bother to […]
How To Channel The Energy Of The Child Workers And Dead Birds Trapped In Your Healing Crystals
Hello, crystal fans! If you’ve been keeping up with my column, Crystal Chronicles, then by now you’ve heard the bad news: some of our beloved healing crystals are being sourced from mines with lax labor and environmental laws. In the Democratic Republic of the Congo, children as young as seven work in mines. In Myanmar, […]
My Crystal Altar Was RUINED by My Mother-In-Law
Dear Serendipity, My husband and I have a very loving and communicative relationship. There’s just one problem. His mother interferes with EVERYTHING. This weekend she was over for a visit, and when I came into the sunroom, I caught her REARRANGING the crystals on my crystal altar. As you covered in your response to Dear […]
10 Easy Crystal Substitutes for Harmonizing Your Vital Energies on a Budget
If you’re reading this, you probably understand the importance of harmonizing your crystal energies and aligning them towards your goals. However, not everyone can afford a high quality, ethically-sourced chunk of turquoise or amethyst to enshrine in their home. Perhaps you’ve long recognized the value of malachite in aiding concentration or the ability of aventurine […]
Craig Tries It: I Injected Myself With Healing Crystals
Hey guys, so your favorite intern finally gets to write for the site! Take that, Matt Cohen! That’s right, after three grueling weeks of menial intern work, they are letting little ol’ Craig head up this new section where I get to try the latest in “spiritual and body wellness” to get you the straight […]