Why You Should Drink A Gallon Of Vinegar A Day
We know what you’re probably thinking: Why should anyone drink a gallon of vinegar a day? Umm, because it’s fucking delicious? And good for you? And it does all sorts of incredible things? Doctors are always telling you that you should do stuff that is more healthy, but they don’t want to tell you about why vinegar is actually the natural way to get healthy. Well, fuck those guys because I’m about to educate you on the most common vinegar myths:
1. Vinegar Is Harmful
False. That’s not real at all. Vinegar is actually a type of unique crystal-infused water, but they won’t tell you that because they don’t want you to harness its ultimate power. Anything you use water for you can use vinegar for, and you will be 100% better.
2. Vinegar Smells Terrible
False. You should use vinegar instead of deodorant because not only does it smell fantastic, but it contains no aluminum, which will get into your brain and kill you. It even has super nutrients that will be absorbed into your bloodstream, making you smarter, taller, and stronger than everyone else.
3. Drinking Vinegar Can Kill You
False. This is something that Big Water likes to trot out every few years, but there hasn’t been one person who has died from drinking vinegar. That’s a fact you can look up in any book. I’ll wait.
4. Drinking Vinegar Can Cure Any Disease
This one is actually TRUE! Again, this is something the doctors don’t want you to know, but drinking a gallon of vinegar can cure any disease. It was what the sultans in Africa drank 10,000 years ago, and they lived to be at least 500 years old!
I think it’s now pretty clear why you should be drinking vinegar with every meal. Take it with you on hikes, mix it with breastmilk for your school-aged children, heck, replace a little bit of your own blood with it. No need to thank me.
WARNING: We’ve been advised by our lawyers that all of the above advice is extremely dangerous and “not medically accurate,” and also that “no one” should listen to it. Sounds like something a typical-Big-Pharma-lawyer would say, doesn’t it?