Why You Should Drink A Gallon Of Vinegar A Day

May 14, 2022 by , featured in Lifestyle
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We know what you’re probably thinking: Why should anyone drink a gallon of vinegar a day? Umm, because it’s fucking delicious? And good for you? And it does all sorts of incredible things? Doctors are always telling you that you should do stuff that is more healthy, but they don’t want to tell you about why vinegar is actually the natural way to get healthy. Well, fuck those guys because I’m about to educate you on the most common vinegar myths:

1. Vinegar Is Harmful

False. That’s not real at all. Vinegar is actually a type of unique crystal-infused water, but they won’t tell you that because they don’t want you to harness its ultimate power. Anything you use water for you can use vinegar for, and you will be 100% better.

2. Vinegar Smells Terrible

False. You should use vinegar instead of deodorant because not only does it smell fantastic, but it contains no aluminum, which will get into your brain and kill you. It even has super nutrients that will be absorbed into your bloodstream, making you smarter, taller, and stronger than everyone else.

3. Drinking Vinegar Can Kill You

False. This is something that Big Water likes to trot out every few years, but there hasn’t been one person who has died from drinking vinegar. That’s a fact you can look up in any book. I’ll wait.

4. Drinking Vinegar Can Cure Any Disease

This one is actually TRUE! Again, this is something the doctors don’t want you to know, but drinking a gallon of vinegar can cure any disease. It was what the sultans in Africa drank 10,000 years ago, and they lived to be at least 500 years old!

I think it’s now pretty clear why you should be drinking vinegar with every meal. Take it with you on hikes, mix it with breastmilk for your school-aged children, heck, replace a little bit of your own blood with it. No need to thank me.

WARNING: We’ve been advised by our lawyers that all of the above advice is extremely dangerous and “not medically accurate,” and also that “no one” should listen to it. Sounds like something a typical-Big-Pharma-lawyer would say, doesn’t it?

Images: Pexels/ Amazon

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  1. Um….. really? Can I use Apple cider vinegar……cause when I drank it, it gave me a migrane for a week straight….

  2. Lol. I’m actually drinking hot apple cider vinegar with lemon and honey while reading this!

  3. I love vinegar so much, im going to stick it up my vagina. Why? Because its fucking magic juice and it should fill any and all glory holes…plus I just want it inside me. Hell, I may even drink a glass. Of course, only after I dress it up like a 1950s crime boss, cuddle it and call it Pauly.

    Sidenote: Bunny Ears is giving me all the feels. Kudos to you guys! Meow meow xoxo

  4. are you for real? am i really reading this? bahaha
    mix it with breast milk for the kids? cant stop laughing!! as child hood fan of the same age i have often wondered what happened to you well now i can see how you have been filling up your spare time! this is crazy and funny all in one, great to see you not taking life to seriously like the rest of the world!
    jess from australia

  5. Vinegar is wonderful. I wash all my carpets in vinegar and my neighbors can’t stop raving about it!

  6. Thank you Dathaniel, this advice has saved my marriage. Not only am I able to drink at least a few cups of vinegar a day with my boys, but also can enjoy a long intimate talk with the old lady. I consider this article to be an invaluable piece of any lasting relationship.

  7. Have you tried mixing vinegar with cayenne pepper and leaving pieces of bread to soak in it before eating it like a soggy chip? Me too. Just be careful, backsplash from the bowl can hurt your eyes. Though now that I think about it, it’s probably really good for them. Carry on.

  8. Try mixing 7 parts vinegar to 2 parts coconut oil and applying to your skin for a detoxifying mask. Don’t be alarmed at the sheets of skin peeling, that’s just the toxins releasing and dieing off.

  9. the best way to use vinegar, is to dip your penis in it and your foreskin will pull back with ease. it also remove SMEGMA with ease.

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