4 Vegan Breakfasts That Look Delicious Even Though You Know They Aren’t!
These four vegan breakfasts will trick all of your non-vegan friends into trying just one bite and then politely nodding and smiling at you as they try to figure out how to spit it into a napkin without you noticing. Watching their growing discomfort as they realize the terrible mistake they’ve made is a better gift than any tasty brunch!
Vegan Smoothie Bowl With Pretty Fruits On Top For Extra Distraction
Wow! So many colors. This will definitely trick those carnivores into taking a big old bite of this vegan breakfast. The fruit on top is designed to draw the eye away from the pink swill that makes up most of the dish. That thick pink slop tastes like the smell of a nursing home mixed with Pepto Bismol. Your non-vegan friends will regret all of their life decisions the minute this touches their tongue but there’s not a thing they can do about it.
Vegan Pancakes Topped With “Caramel” “Sauce”
These vegan pancakes look light, fluffy and delicious, right up until you bite into them and they deflate like the Goodyear man getting fitted for a new suit. You’re left with a limp, wet, piece of paper in your mouth, and the terrifying feeling that you can no longer trust your own judgment. Don’t even ask what’s in the sauce. No one knows.
Some Kind Of Paste On A Very Thin, Dry Cracker
You can call this whatever you think will get it into your non-vegan friends’ mouths but let’s not fuck around here. This is made of flax meal, water, and charcoal. There’s also something called spirulina in it which I think is a bunch of dead bugs. It tastes like the feeling of accidentally showing up an hour early to a party and also realizing that you’re extremely overdressed. You’re really going to have to try to trick someone into putting this in their face hole. You can do it! I believe in you.
Muffins That Aren’t Quite The Color They’re Supposed To Be
Muffins are an easy sell. Yum, muffins, right? Except, normally, muffins are 90% butter held together by three crumbs of flower and happiness. What’s even in these muffins? Who knows, you can put anything in them as long they are:
The appeal of these muffins to your friends/victims will be the fact that they are muffins. Use their love of muffins against them.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…