Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Ladies, are you having trouble registering for your wedding? We here at Bunny Ears know that modern wedding registries are no longer just for fine china and espresso makers. They’re one of the best ways to let your guests know who you are as a couple! Whether you’re a bookish pair who like to relax on the couch or your life together is a non-stop fuck-fest, it’s important to always tailor your gift registry toward your personalities, not worn-out traditions.
Adding Categories Helps Guests Filter Your Fuck Style
Don’t make that rookie starter-marriage mistake of listing all the gifts on your registry in a big lump. Instead, break them down into easy categories your guests can’t help but understand, no matter how little they want to! Some great ideas include mood categories, like “slow, sultry, oil-covered bathtub bump and grind” or “fast getaway supplies for public boning during boring family parties.” Making your categories extraordinarily specific and detailed allows your guests to know exactly how hard and often you are doing “it.” As an added bonus, they’ll know exactly what position you’ll be in when you fondly recall their useful wedding gift!
Spread Those Price Options Before You Spread Those Cheeks
Unfortunately, it’s inevitable in late-stage capitalism that at least a few of your guests will be poors. If you’re obligated to invite them because they’re your sister or whatever, it’s likely that they’ll still want to contribute some Dollar Store bullshit to your nuptials. As such, it’s important to include some low-budget (but still grossly explicit) items on your gift registry. A range of novelty his-and-hers dildos is a great way for poors to know the most about your sex life for a low entry fee. Lube gift baskets, massage oils, homemade edible thongs—no gift is too small to include on your registry as long as it absolutely reminds your guests of your non-stop pound party.
Honeymoon Funding Gives Guests All The Details
Honeymoon registries are one of our favorite modern trends, and they’re perfect for your exhibitionist plans. In this type of registry, you list the cost of honeymoon activities, and guests pick what to fund. In addition to covering basic items like airline tickets, this is a fantastic opportunity to explain every single way you’ll be holiday humping! You want your guests to know exactly what type of power-pump they’ll be funding. Put down how much you’ll need to bribe flight attendants to let you suck off your groom in the first-class bathroom. Work out the per-night cost of that balcony room with the sex swing. Make sure they know that that special couples spa treatment is actually just you riding him in a bathtub while underpaid locals massage your shoulders. Don’t forget to include photos to give them a vivid picture of where your V. will be hosting his P.!
Don’t Forget Those Thank-You Notes
One of the most important advantages of a gift registry is tracking who gave what so you can provide them with proper thank-you notes. Etiquette is important, people! Those notes remind your guests of the wonderful time they had at your wedding and also gives you one last chance to let your friends and family know that nobody gets rammed as much as you do. For the easiest gesture of gratitude, simply snap a photo of the first time you try out their gift. Grandma Nonie will want to know how that tit-less teddy fits! Then simply slip it into a thoughtful card and address it to the whole family. They’ll never forget it!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…