Cut Down On Screen Time By Learning To Fear Screens
There are so many methods for trying to cut down on screen time — setting timers, blocking certain apps and sites, moving your phone or iPad to another room—or even to your second house! Yet, adults in America spend more than 11 hours in front of screens per day. That’s why we at Bunny Ears have come up with a simple, effective way to cut down: Fear the screen. Fear it like it’s going to kill you, because it might. Here are just a few terror-inducing techniques that will work like a horrifying charm.
Program The Screen To Scream
A lot of devices emit a gentle “blooping” noise during startup. Something welcoming and soft. This is to ease you into happily turning on a device and staying on it forever. Which is why we recommend reprogramming yours to start with something horrifying. A jarring, blood-curdling scream or a child’s voice whispering your darkest, most personal secrets works wonders.
Make It Dangerous
Rewiring your electrical devices to short circuit and constantly electrocute you while in use sounds harder than it is. You don’t even need a professional to take your phone apart or anything. Just get in there and mess up the circuitry a little—just enough that you risk a deadly house fire every time you turn it on.
Program It To Spy On You
Another easy way to cut down on screen time is to hire someone to simply hack into your device’s camera and constantly watch you every time you power up. Sure, there’s a small portion of the population who are actually (super) into that, but it’s most people’s worst nightmare. And that’s why it works!
Curse It With A Dead Child
Find a certified medium and or/conjurer to turn your PC into a vessel for a dead cursed child. That’s what I did, and now the walls bleed/I feel Satan breathing on my neck every time I turn it on. You won’t believe how fast you finish emails knowing that a demon might show up at any moment to drag you into the bowels of hell. Once I calm down and stop sobbing, I have the rest of the day to focus on things like yoga and journaling. I’ve also started jogging again (in large part because every time I close my eyes I see the cursed child chasing me). It’s a game changer.
Acquiring a nightmarish fear of your screens will give you a new lease on life (not including the horrors that will reside in every electrical product you own). Alright, I have to stop typing now because the walls have gone from bleeding profusely to sprouting tongues and licking me softly on the face. Good luck on your journey to less screen time!