Cut Down On Waste: Let Your Boyfriend Use Your Diva Cup For Mouthwash
We here at Bunny Ears are all about planet Earth—saving it, meditating in it, farting in the big jar so we don’t contribute to global warming—but did you know there are little things you can do to care for the environment as well? You can do these things right in your own home! Here, we’ll list a few of them we just thought of just now right this second:
Let Your Boyfriend Use Your Diva Cup For Mouthwash
Using washable menstrual cups instead of tampons or pads is a great way to save the environment, but is it enough? Did you know a Diva cup is the perfect size to hold exactly the recommended amount of mouthwash? And since your period only lasts 3–7 days of the month, on the other days, your Diva cup just sits there! What a waste! That’s why we’re pretty sure letting—no—insisting your boyfriend use your Diva cup for mouthwash is probably good for the environment.
Unplug Your Refrigerator When You’re Not Using It
Think about it: You’re only putting things in or taking things out of your fridge for a few minutes a day, yet the fridge is plugged in all night?? What is that about? Most environmental blogs will tell you to unplug things like your cellphone charger when it’s not in use, but we’ve taken it a step further. What do you think wastes more energy? Your tiny phone or that big bulky fridge? Probably the fridge. We’re guessing.
Get Grandma To Rifle Through Your Trash And Go “This Is Still Good!”
You know who can help you cut down on waste? Grandma. As you surely know because she reminds you regularly, she survived the Great Depression. Put her childhood trauma to good use by propping her up by your trash can so she can make sure anything you throw out is really garbage. Don’t want to make that old paper towel into a festive doily? Have no use for doilies whatsoever? Too bad. Grandma will make sure you’re reusing things over and over until they are unequivocally trash.
Cum In The Shower Like You Did In College Until They Sent That Shameful Newsletter To All The Men’s Dorms
Listen, you have to save your tissues, toilet paper, and socks for the fluids that really matter. The ones that can’t be avoided. So needless to say, all people who have penises should be cumming in the shower at all times. Even with partners. Yes, we know shower sex scenes are a far cry from reality, and the struggle to have sex in the shower is real. But do it for the planet. Also, turn the water off halfway through. For the planet. This is Navy shower sex. Don’t you know what Navy showers are? Didn’t you read the back of that college newsletter?
Just Die Already
We have no idea why none of the other environmental publications and blogs have thought of this one. It’s irrefutably the best thing humans can do for the conservation of our planet. Someday, aliens will reach a beautifully preserved, green, human-less Earth and thank us for our sacrifice. Then, they will finally open the big jar.